Ashei's Dangerous Idea
by HylianPhoenix
Summary: Fed up with their refusals to act on or even admit their feelings, Ashei comes up a very dangerous idea to get the stubborn and frustrated queen and hero together. Rated M for adult content.
1. Dangerous Ideas

_While this is also labeled humor, it's rated M for a reason. Rest assured, however, it's not gratuitous smut, as entertaining as such things can be. Expect Link and Zelda to be spending a lot of time facepalming. Tongue-in-cheek is fun._

* * *

Link was not having a good day. The rapid and familiar clicking sound of boots on the marble floor outside the council chamber were testament to that.

"Really, Link, was that necessary?"

The Hero of Twilight sighed and reached up to rub his temples as Hyrule's queen came to a stop a few feet away. He didn't turn from his view out the window into the gardens in the castle courtyard, already knowing what he would see if he did. No doubt Zelda was glaring at him, arms folded across her chest and her beautiful face looking for all the world as if it had been carved from marble. He called that emotionless mask her 'Ice Queen face' and always dreaded its appearance.

"Well?"

Gritting his teeth, Link clasped his hands behind his back and turned to Zelda. Yes, just as he'd thought, her arms were folded and the only sign of her irritation was a slight narrowing of her pale blue eyes. And defying all logic, she looked even more beautiful and enticing that way, especially with those white-gloved arms crossed and pushing up subtly on her bosom to emphasize the swells of alabaster-

"Stop staring at my chest and answer my question," she snapped irritably.

"I was not staring," he protested defensively, giving her eyes his coldest glare.

Zelda rolled her eyes in one of the gestures that had rubbed off on her from her time joined with Midna's spirit. "Once a dog, always a dog," she muttered.

"Wolf," he countered through gritted teeth. "And yes, it was necessary. You didn't hear what Remlaur muttered about you under his breath. But I did, of course, with these 'dog' ears of mine," he added sarcastically.

Zelda resisted the urge to make a loud and undignified remark about a lolling tongue and an unpleasant odor. "What did he say?"

Link arched a brow. "We showed up late after spending the morning riding together. Take a guess."

Zelda felt her cheeks warming but her regal facade didn't crack. Remlaur had always been prone to showing his irritation at being ruled by an unmarried queen half his age but he was usually wise enough to keep his mouth shut. If he finally cracked, no doubt he did it in spectacular fashion. But there were still rules of protocol to be followed. "And that merited you drawing your sword in the middle of a council session and giving him the choice of either a duel or the dungeon?"

Still, she couldn't deny that warmth had risen in her breast when Link sprang to the defense of her honor and put the bastard in his place. Something about an angry hero with steel in his hand and flashing eyes stirred her blood. Damn it all, her anger was already fading. Until he rolled his eyes and turned away from her.

"Yes," he replied, maddeningly flippant.

"Arrogant ass," she muttered under her breath, following him out into the garden. "Thank you for defending my reputation but there are better ways of resolving problems than shoving a sword in their faces."

"What, like ignoring them and letting Ashei sort them out?" he countered, turning his head to flash a sly grin over his shoulder with a swish of thick brown hair.

Zelda's cheeks colored again. "I do not know if I would call that particular problem 'resolved'," she said shortly, fixing him with a glare. "Not if you continue to act like a rolling Goron in the middle of the royal treasury."

He stopped and turned to face her, that damnable grin widening further. "As I recall, you rather enjoyed it when I threw out subtlety and-"

"Oh, get over yourself!" Zelda snapped, once more folding her arms and praying her cheeks were not darkening to scarlet. She had to remind herself that she was mad at him, otherwise, well...

"Are you two arguing _again?_"

They both turned to see Ashei grinning at them from her spot on a stone bench in the garden, a pen in her hand and a journal open on her lap. "Really, do I have to come up with _another_ brilliant idea to fix whatever's going on between you two?"

It was Link's turn to scowl, crossing his arms beside his queen. "Don't start with us, Ashei. After the last stunt you pulled you're lucky Zelda didn't make you answer Agitha's request for a bug-catching assistant."

"There's still time," Zelda said, a smirk on her pink lips. "As I recall the duties also involve tea parties and balls with the bugs. Pink dresses as well, I imagine."

Ashei blanched. "That's just playing dirty, yeah? But point taken." She dipped her pen in the ink and put it to paper but a small smile spread on her face. "I'll just go back to my writing."

Link felt an odd chill running down his spine. Turning, he saw Zelda looking at him, the blood draining out of her face. Was she thinking what he was thinking?

"What is it you are writing?" the queen asked with forced nonchalance.

Ashei shrugged her shoulders and peered up at them with a terrifyingly innocent smile. "Oh, nothing you two would be interested in. Just a story I'm thinking about publishing." Queen and hero once more looked at each other in alarm.

"A story about what?" they asked in unison, stomachs clenching with dread.

Ashei just grinned wider and went back to writing.

* * *

_ Note to self: Don't publish this part. Let your children (if you're ever daft enough to have them) do it in the planned revised edition for you after you're dead. Otherwise you'll end up planted before your time at the hands of a murderous queen and her hero out for your blood._

_ Second note to self: Ask a priestess if the goddesses allow murder even in the Sacred Realm. If so, make sure Ilia sends you on your way with a plate of Uli's cookies. Your afterlife may depend on it._

_ One of the favorite pastimes of the people of Hyrule is discussing their monarch and their hero. For reasons I can't explain, many of them are almost obsessed with those two. The women see a brilliant, beautiful queen in expensive gowns and probably think she has a flawless, charmed life with handsome princes and heroes always at her door. The men see a beautiful woman that's the very image of perfection and, well, the rest is rather obvious. The women see a handsome and brave hero and, okay, that's obvious, too. The men see a man with the kind of courage, strength and skill they could only dream of and are in awe and/or envious._

_ Naturally, there's an entire subset of gossip dedicated to speculation about the two of them together romantically. Half the opinions I've heard are that the two of them are secretly courting, engaging in things like sappy midnight rides to Lake Hylia to stargaze and whisper poetry to each other. I don't really understand why they think the two are so obsessed with secrecy given that the queen has basically told her council they can take their suggestions regarding her unadorned ring finger and shove them some place very uncomfortable, but I suppose it's more romantic that way. The other half seems to believe that there is a tragic, forever unrealized love between the sad, beautiful, noble, elegant, et cetera queen and the brave, handsome, dutiful goat herder turned legendary hero. Yeah, both make me want to vomit even if there's a grain of truth in all of it._

_ So here's the real truth. Yes, Link is indeed the man who killed everything from giant spiders to dragons to the ancient foe of legend who stole the Triforce of Power, and he had to make his way through all sorts of devious traps and puzzles to do it. He has sliced his way through half a horde of bokoblins before breakfast, herded a bunch of hungry, ornery goats before lunch, translated half a book's worth of Ancient Hylian architecture before dinner, and left a half dozen maidens blushing and staring at him like lovesick puppies after a single dance with each before dessert. And Zelda is indeed the epitome of Hylian beauty with brains, bravery, selflessness, and warmth in equal measure. She has mowed down the other half of that bokoblin horde with her bow before breakfast, broken half her nails and sprained her ankle helping to harvest pumpkins before lunch, designed a new irrigation system for Ordon before dinner, and left a handful of cynical power-hungry politicians gazing at her with smitten looks before dessert. Oh, and that was all in the same day._

_ Perfect, aren't they?_

_ Guess again._

_ On that same day, they were bickering like a pair of ornery Ordon goats over whether to charge into the middle of the bokoblin lines or ride around them shooting bomb arrows. Match the correct strategy to the correct person and win, well, nothing, because it's obvious. While you're at it, guess how Link's right side got singed in an explosion._

_ They stormed off in opposite directions after arriving in Ordon with parting mutters (something about whether his parentage was entirely Hylian or mixed with stubborn goat, and some indiscreetly spoken hope that she didn't trip on her royal buttocks and break a nail). Well, guess what happened when Link rode down from the ranch to see Zelda with dirt on the back of her dress and her scraped hands wrapped around a swollen ankle?_

_ If you guessed that he snickered and mocked her clumsiness, you win nothing. Again. The last time I saw him leap off Epona so fast was when his tunic was on fire from a bulblin's near-miss and he was heading for water. (The water, I must add, was in Lake Hylia and he was on the bridge a hundred feet above. And he had spring water in a bottle in that magical bottomless pouch I'm so envious of. Still think he's perfect?) He had Zelda scooped up in his arms and was on his way to the stash of chu jelly at his house before I could blink, ignoring her laughing protests and blushing cheeks with a look of grim determination on his face._

_ When I climbed up into his house (it was built out of a tree for reason I can't even begin to fathom, and goddesses only know how he got her up there) I found them laughing, their faces both smeared with red liquid. I'm not sure if I was more baffled that it wasn't each other's blood or that they'd apparently been attacking each other with jelly in a childish fit. But there they were on the rug in front of the fireplace, Zelda reclined against every pillow he owned as she sketched designs for the new irrigation system in his journal while he translated relevant passages out of that dusty old tome she'd brought, her swollen ankle on his lap being massaged with chu jelly. I wasn't sure whether to grin or throw up when they began humming in unison with each other with silly little smiles on their faces._

_ Naturally, they were so absorbed in their work (their words, not mine) that the sun was almost setting by the time they realized they needed to get back to Castle Town. So guess who got left behind to bring the horses back when they vanished arm-in-arm in a flash of golden light after the queen with the mastery over magic said teleportation without a dire emergency was a frivolous use of sacred power? If you guessed me, congratulations, you win. Still no prize, though. Life's full of disappointments, as I discovered when I got to the ball room. Deal with it._

_ By the time I got to the castle, stabled the horses, bathed and dressed in record time (in a damn gown, no less), I got to the ball room to watch the last chocolate torte of the dessert course get snatched up by a fat count from some backward province. And I was starving, damn it. Trust me, there's only one reason to look forward to those stuffy balls and my disappointment cannot be expressed in words. Anyways, there they were, smoothly escaping their new fan clubs and heading for each other with stars in their eyes like something out of a fairy tale. Yep, there they were, the jewels of the kingdom, dancing arm-in-arm in the center of the ball room floor sharing smiles and laughter with scores of men and women looking on with jealousy. Perfect, right?_

_ Well, this time it was. Politely refusing any requests to cut in, they spent the rest of the gala dancing with each other despite Zelda's faint limp and Link's obvious discomfort at the tight collar that he was wearing only because the queen had once mentioned that he would look good in it. I could accept the loss of my favorite dessert and the sore backside I had from galloping most of the way back to the castle, since it looked like the two of them were finally going to end up sharing a lip lock by the end of the evening._

_ Now, I will admit this only posthumously, but I'm quite sure I was inching toward the edge of my seat like dozens of others when the final dance of the evening was coming to a close and the two of them were gazing into each other's eyes only inches apart. I mean, all the signs were there. She licked her lips, he swallowed, and they were barely even swaying._

_ Yeah, like I said. Perfect? Guess again. I couldn't tell who noticed the music coming to a close first but they both backed away and put on smiles more fake than the pictographs of the goddesses frolicking naked in the woods someone once tried to sell in the market. (I heard only days later that the man was found floating naked in the town square fountain with all his clothing burned away from a lightning strike. And some people wonder why Din is my patron goddess. I mean, really.)_

_ Anyways, so there I was with a growling stomach, aching buttocks, a corset laced tight enough to leave me barely able to breathe, men staring at my chest like I was a piece of meat, and they had the damn nerve to drag on the little drama! To make matters worse, as predicted, winter came early and hard, leaving the two of them busy, stressed, and in an even more frustrating limbo than before._

_ Oh, yeah. You bet your pointy little ears I'm writing this after all the trouble you two put me through, queen and hero be damned. And I'm getting the last laugh because I'm having the revised edition published when you can't get to me. (I hope. Need to remember to talk to that priestess)._

_ All right. Now, it all started with this idea I had..._

* * *

_Six weeks earlier..._

Ashei snickered when she saw her friend's face turn red. Zelda sat upon a bench in her private garden beneath an open window and she was putting on a good show of appearing absorbed in oiling the slender blade of her sword. Unfortunately, the Queen of Hyrule was a poor actress. Her cheeks were flushed and her tongue occasionally flicked out to moisten her lips while the words of the chattering maids tending to her bedroom reached out into the afternoon air in rather lurid and explicit fashion. Ashei couldn't hear it all, but it had something to do with one of the maids, an unnamed guard, a tower window and skirts pulled up waist-high. And if Zelda's pink coloring and swallowing throat were any indication, the story was having quite an effect on the conservative queen.

When the voices faded away to the sound of a closing door, Ashei nearly laughed aloud at the quiet sigh Zelda emitted. The subtle frown creasing her lips was a familiar expression, particularly over the last few months as Hyrule went through a hard winter. It had left its queen physically and mentally exhausted, but calm had come over the land with the spring thaw. The same couldn't be said for its ruler, who appeared to have gone from exhaustion to having too much energy. Frustrated energy, apparently.

Suppressing a smirk, Ashei pushed off the tree she had been leaning against and walked toward the queen, calling out a greeting. "Good afternoon, Zelda."

Her friend started, gazing up at her substitute swordsmanship mentor with a surprised smile, laying her blade across the snug trousers she wore. "Hello, Ashei. I hope you have enjoyed your day, because I will be ruining it and giving you bruises shortly."

It was a distinct possibility. Under the tutelage of Hyrule's hero she had progressed from a novice to an expert with a blade and in the month since his departure she had certainly thrown herself into improving. Still, she lost more than she won. Ashei grinned wolfishly. "I'll let your presumption slide for now. And yes, I've had a good day. I've been walking around listening to the usual gossip." As predicted, Zelda's cheeks colored, something she endeavored to hide by standing and adjusting the laces at the neck of her long-sleeved practice tunic.

"Yes, the maids do enjoy that."

"Stop playing with your clothing and let's get started." Ashei couldn't resist taunting her. Her right side and left thigh still stung from where Zelda had struck her with the dull practice blade the previous evening and she was eager to return the favor, queen or not.

Right on cue Zelda's pale blue eyes lit up and the queen struck at her. Laughing, Ashei dodged and pulled her own blade, stepping back under a rapid string of strikes. It really was amusing how much more aggressive the young monarch had become since Link's departure and the thaw... though not when she was nursing fresh bruises, of course. When Zelda's attack wore itself out Ashei pressed her in return, forcing her deeper into the garden. Her parries came neat and smooth, however, only the tiniest of holes present in her defense. To win, she might have to resort to trickery. Again. This time it seemed she knew just where to press. And actually, it seemed like a good opportunity to work on the queen's obvious dilemma.

Speaking with false nonchalance Ashei blocked a clever counter and pushed the more slender woman back. "Link returns in a day or two. Are you looking forward to showing off what you've learned in his absence?"

Zelda's intended thrust faltered slightly and Ashei slammed her blade wide, following it up with a light swat to the queen's hip. She fell back with a quiet yelp, glaring at her tutor. "I am looking forward to giving him the same bruises I have been giving you."

"Ouch," Ashei taunted. "So aggressive. How long has it been?"

"How long since what? His departure?" Zelda asked through gritted teeth, advancing once more and pressing Ashei back with a string of ringing swipes.

Smirking, Ashei let the queen back her up to a tree before she stood her ground. "No, since you were last bedded."

Zelda's blade jerked awkwardly mid-swing and bounced off the tree trunk above her head as Ashei ducked. Stepping aside, she watched the queen color. "_What?_" In a most unusual loss of composure, she began to sputter. "That... that is none of your business!"

Ooh. She had really hit home with that one. Of course, she was paying the price, as Zelda was attacking furiously and the clang of steel continued to echo loudly off the castle's stone wall. "Why not?" She kept up the pressure. "You were the one who told me we were nothing but two friends in private and that's what we've been, yeah?"

The queen gritted her teeth at a widely missed thrust. "Yes, but... but..."

Despite the shadows left by the late afternoon sun through the trees, Ashei could see the deep blush on her friend's face. Content to simply stay on defense, she circled around to keep Zelda from trapping her against a row of shrubs. "But what? You've never...?"

The poor thing was flushing hotly as she worked her blade in furious strikes that left her sweating. "Of course not! I was Hyrule's crown princess and I am now queen! I have a reputation to protect!"

Grinning, Ashei deftly countered a thrust and pushed her blade up high, twisting around and giving her a stinging backhand on her derriere that left the queen yelping again. "Is your reputation all that's stopping you?"

Zelda spun around and shot her a hard look. "I know what you are trying to do, Ashei. I will not be distracted."

"Like that time Link ripped his tunic and spent the rest of the fight without it?" Zelda stiffened noticeably. "Or is it his absence that's stopping you?" The queen's blade dipped, leaving Ashei mentally wincing. Perhaps she had gone a bit too far.

"What... what in Hyrule gives you _that_ impression?" Zelda was glaring, but her throat worked in a swallow.

Lowering her blade, Ashei shrugged. This had been going on for many months now, and it was time to do something about it before her queen drove herself mad. "The way you tend to watch him practice from the library window. The way you try to get in close when you're practicing together."

"I... that is to negate his longer reach! And it is fascinating to watch him! He surpassed the skill of the ancient hero long ago and continues to improve."

"True," Ashei conceded despite the obvious lies. Link was indeed breathtaking to watch when he fought, moving with incredible grace and speed, and when he needed it, remarkable strength. More than once she had been sorely tempted to walk toward his damp body with a towel and... she shook the thought off. There was no way she was getting in the middle of whatever it was Link and Zelda pretended did not exist. Smiling up at her friend, she lowered her sword point to the ground and draped her wrists on the hilt. "So why have you been so twitchy lately? And why were you listening to the maids with such rapt attention if you're immune to even the most sought-after man in the kingdom?"

Zelda looked away from her, walking to the tree she had struck and rubbing the mark on its trunk. "I have grown accustomed to being kept busy with my duties. I feel as if I am forgetting or neglecting something when I have more than half an hour of free time a day." She turned her gaze back to Ashei with a glare. "And I never said I was immune, Ashei, but neither am I ruled by my libido."

"If you're not immune, why aren't you courting him?"

She prepared herself for another round of excuses, but there was a flash of pain in those blue eyes before they dipped toward the ground. "It would never work, Ashei," she said, softly and with surprising honesty. "He is a free spirit. I would never trap my dearest friend in the royal life. It would slowly crush him."

Ashei rolled her eyes and moved to a bench, taking a seat. She had debated that very thing with Rusl and Telma once, when the kingdom had first been rife with gossip that their princess and hero seemed to be very close. None of them had left agreeing with Zelda's stance. "In the past year he supervised the reconstruction of the castle's upper levels, practically retrained the entire guard personally, took on ambassadorship to the Gorons and Zoras, and he sniffed out that situation with your traitorous councilors like he was born to subterfuge. There's obviously more to him than the whole wandering, lonely hero thing, yeah?"

Zelda sighed. "There is, but temporary roles are not a throne. Even being simply a consort would still mire him in politics. Either would mean months or a year of tutoring in what he would need to learn."

"But-"

"Drop it, Ashei," Zelda interrupted coldly. "I do not even know why we are talking about this. Even if I will admit I find him attractive, we are friends and that is the end of it."

She stifled another sigh. Link, the noble idiot, had too much self-discipline, always saving his lingering gazes for when Zelda was looking or walking away. Trying never to breathe too deeply of her perfume when they were near or dancing. Always making a concerted effort to keep his distance from her body when they sparred. Of course it was she who paid the price for his discipline, taking her share of bruises when it was their turn to spar after Zelda retired, as he let his frustrations out on his friend instead of the woman he wanted. Much like the ones Zelda had been taking out on her over the past month.

One of Ashei's brows twitched upward as something occurred to her. Something a bit risky, something she should probably not entertain. But she entertained it anyway.

"All right, sorry. I guess I let myself listen too much of the usual town gossip about their queen and hero." She smiled wryly. "No more about that, then." She lifted her blade and took up a guard position as Zelda cautiously did the same thing. "You've got to admit, though, that what the maids were talking about didn't sound half bad, yeah?"

Zelda's cheeks colored lightly but she threw out a perfect parry against Ashei's quick thrust. "It sounded rather base, actually. And somewhat degrading." Still, her lips darted out between her lips for a split second.

Ashei shrugged, letting her go on offense. "For a queen, maybe. For a woman indulging her passions with her lover?" The thought took a more defined form. A dangerous one. She parried a clever cut and sighed wistfully. "It's been too long for me." Well, that was a bit misleading, as 'too long' consisted of her entire life, but Zelda didn't need to know that. She and Telma had both agreed the woman needed some serious stress relief before the council decided to start another plot against their temperamental queen, though they had been thinking of a vacation or alcohol or a few days in Zora's Domain and some skilled masseuses. And really, Link could use something similar. They had both been going nonstop since Ganondorf died and the hero had practically been pacing and praying for some Lizalfos to dismember before quickly agreeing to a diplomatic trip to Termina. No doubt to march and ride off his frustration away from its source. And so? Dangerous thoughts.

"Really?" Zelda paused her attack, looking up at her with some surprise. "You have...?"

_No._ "Yeah." She gazed at the bushes in what she hoped was a convincing imitation of a reliving a fond memory. She wasn't really the best actress. "Off and on for a couple of years when he travels to Hyrule."

"Who is he?" It seemed she had her friend's attention.

"A former soldier from Labrynna who escorts valuable caravans." She chuckled quietly and hid a grin at how easily the lie came to her lips. "We met one cold rainy night in a tavern and just sort of ended up in my room under the sheets. I don't even know how it happened."

"You weren't drugged, were you?" She could have laughed. That would no doubt have been the same question that Link would have asked, even spoken with the same concern.

"Oh, no. We hadn't even been drinking. It was just a wild impulse."

"Queens cannot be impulsive," Zelda said, but though her tone was wry Ashei didn't miss the subtle frown.

"Yeah, well, that's what I thought, too. I woke up and was shocked... for about twenty seconds. Then I rolled over and gave into my next impulse and soon felt much better." Really, she should be mortified to be lying to her friend and queen, but the dangerous thought had firmly taken a hold, and Zelda's arching brows and false nonchalance left her wanting to cackle villainously.

"How much better?"

Ashei thought for a moment before coming up with what she hoped was an appropriate event. "Do you remember the wine the Terminian ambassador brought last year? The first sip?"

Zelda blushed but uttered a quiet laugh. Magic pervaded Termina, including their extraordinarily delicious wine. "I remember uttering an undignified moan at the first taste along with everyone else." Yes, that had left half of the people in the dining hall embarrassed, but no one left their wine glasses unfinished. Or their second.

"Yes, well, imagine taking a sip of that while soaking in a Kakariko hot spring and receiving a massage after an entire day spent sparring." Zelda's brows rose. "Then, oh... triple it." Blue eyes went wide.

"Wow."

"Very," Ashei practically purred, congratulating herself on cracking through the marble facade of the normally unflappable queen. "Imagine being on the road all day. Cold, wet, and shivering, then having a warm meal and wrapping up in warm blankets. Then add a firm, warm man entangled with you with strong hands, soft lips, and deep groans teasing your ears while you're quivering in pleasure." Perhaps she could earn some coin for a new blade on the side by writing those stories so many women loved to read. Judging by the flush of Zelda's skin and the way she was swallowing and licking her lips, she'd provided quite the mental image. In fact, she was beginning to feel jealous of her own imagination. Bah.

"That does sound rather... pleasant." There was a faint hitch in Zelda's voice.

"Blissful, addictive, utterly satisfying." She grinned up at the clouds, feeling an odd amused satisfaction in leaving the stoic queen intrigued. "Imagine feeling for an entire day like you just got out of a hot spring and knowing you're going back to Kakariko again that night." Ashei glanced over to see Zelda nibbling her lip and running a fingertip over budding cherry blossoms.

"Some days it feels like a warm soak is all I have to look forward to," Zelda murmured. "Perhaps I will break into our stock of Terminian wine and take a glass into the bath tonight."

Well, that hadn't been quite what she had been going for. The very dangerous thought took a very firm shape, leaving Ashei contemplating it for a moment... very carefully. Either it wouldn't work to begin with, it would end wild success, or it would result in utter disaster. The odds seemed about even. Good enough for her. Playing it safe bored her to tears, after all. Sheathing her sword, Ashei leaned against the tree and spoke casually. "You know, my friend sent me a letter a couple of weeks ago. He'll be here in a few days."

"Lucky you." Zelda's response was distant and wistful, followed by a quiet sigh. Ashei couldn't suppress her grin that time, watching the queen wander over to a row of blossoming orchids.

"Yeah. Plus his fellows are a lot of fun, too. Good men, real sweethearts. Kind of the strong, quiet type, too: disciplined, loyal, experienced. Handsome, too." The words just sort of poured out, but Ashei noticed they made a Hylian ear perk. She would have grinned wider but for the danger of what came next. "They served the Labrynnan royal family before the new king released them. If you wanted to meet one of them, I could arrange it. They know how to be discreet."

Zelda's ears not only twitched; they practically jerked as her eyes went wide. "Excuse me?"

Perhaps dangerous was too mild an adjective, for she suddenly felt as if she had an irritated Link advancing on her, practice blade in hand. But it was a challenge, one very different from her usual slicing and stabbing. And she did love a challenge. Ashei softened her tone. "They're very respectful. You wouldn't have to worry about a scandal if one of them interested you."

Zelda was blushing furiously and her mouth fell open as she turned toward her. "Are you... are you seriously suggesting...?"

Well, too late to back down. Ashei shrugged. "If you wanted to. You could just be Zelda meeting an intriguing man who wouldn't demand anything of you, yeah?"

Zelda's eyes unfocused and shifted away, her lower lip pinched between her teeth. Ooh. Apparently she was interested. "I..." She shook her head. "No. I'm a queen, Ashei, not a..."

Straightening, she folded her arms indignantly and glared at her friend. "Not a what?" Wait, was she offended over an insinuation regarding her moral character over having a fake lover? She shook it off. Zelda blanched and didn't finish the thought, leaving Ashei an opening. "Not a woman who's gone to bed with muscle aches every night for the past year because of the never ending stresses of running a kingdom? Aching and cold, no one to keep you warm and collapsed in bliss after an evening of pleasure?" She shrugged. "I know what you're trying to say but it's not like you'd be taking someone's money or finding a different man every night."

"No, of course not," Zelda admitted quietly. "And... it is tempting. But I'm the sole ruler of Hyrule and there are no successors. A scandal would be terrible, Ashei."

Well, that was a good point. Besides, there had been a rather gaping flaw in the dangerous idea she hadn't really thought about... until the solution suddenly presented itself. Ashei didn't have to feign sudden inspiration. "Hmm... perhaps a quiet meeting in the dark of night, one where he wouldn't even see your face." A wicked grin curled her lips. "A mysterious lover, no worries about your station or scandals. Just you and someone to introduce you to the pleasures of intimacy with the security of anonymity." Idly, she wondered what in Din's name was going on inside her own head. Leading Link into a den of Wolfos was one thing, but this was something else entirely. More fun, too.

Zelda's brows rose slightly and she suckled her lip just a little deeper between her teeth, turning and taking a slow step to run her palm over the tree. "That is rather romantic in a way. Mysterious. And exciting." Her eyes glazed over, her voice falling to a murmur. "Wondering just who it is that's touching your skin in the dark, or kissing your lips..." Ashei stood silently, watching a subtle shiver work its way down her friend's body. She could practically feel the temptation and working gears of Zelda's mind, but there was no pushing her. After a very long moment the queen turned toward her slightly, her words coming soft and hesitant. "Good men, you said?"

It took quite a bit of effort to suppress a victorious grin.

* * *

The Hero's Shade shook his head as the images faded from the water, dropping his skeletal face into a gauntlet-covered hand. "I cannot believe this. Could you not simply have sent them a dream of themselves old, lonely, and full of regrets?"

His companion laughed, looking up at him from where she lie prone on the grass dipping a fingertip into the water of the small silver pond they had been watching. "You were the one that came to me grumbling that your descendant was following in your footsteps. Don't blame me for taking action."

He glared at the red-haired woman with his remaining eye. "Actually, I came to you for advice, hoping you had words of wisdom."

She arched a slender brow. "You have noticed that my hair is not blue but red, yes? You do realize I am the impulsive one?"

"I hoped that stereotype did not apply. Perhaps that was foolish of me."

"Says the man who married a blond _and_ a redhead," she retorted.

"I told you!" They turned at the sound of a musical voice to see two other women approaching. The one who had spoken possessed vibrant green wavy hair and eyes and tanned skin. The eyes of the other were a rich azure, her deep blue tresses tied in a chignon at the back of her ivory neck. The former stopped and put her hands on her hips, smirking at them both. "You see? They're scheming behind our backs."

The Shade sighed and returned his face to his palm. "I apologize, but as I was explaining to your sister, I came for advice."

The blue-haired sister scoffed, folding her arms across her chest. "From her? Have you lost your senses?"

"Hey!" the redhead protested, sitting up. "Just because you-"

The sister in green interrupted them. "Oh, enough." Turning to the Shade, she gave him a crooked smile. "You cannot fool us, Hero. You knew full well she would come up with something wild and impulsive."

He sighed, a sound that seemed to echo off his steel breastplate and rattle in his bony throat. "Oh, very well. I had hoped my successor would show a little backbone _without_ steel in his hand, but I felt serious action was required." He glared at the redhead. "However, I did not expect anything _that_ drastic."

"You really need to liven up a bit," she said, grinning. "After all, you were the champion of the goddess of life, you know."

"Liven up?" He glanced pointedly down at his skeletal frame. "How very amusing."

She snickered. "No wonder you don't like my plan. Perhaps we should give you your body back so you can understand."

The blue-eyed sister stepped between them. "Oh, stop taunting him. And you, Hero: she has a point." She sighed when her sister uttered a whoop. "As much as I hate to admit it. They are both as blind and stubborn as you and your first wife were at their age. Perhaps more so. I believe they need something other than a few dreams to get them off this path they are on."

"Wow," the green-eyed woman said, "I never thought I'd see the day that you would agree with our sister, let alone support this kind of plan."

"You disapprove?"

"Well... actually, no." She smiled widely. "They need to liven up, too. Besides, this is going to be a lot of fun to watch."

Blue eyes narrowed and pink lips curled into a frown. "Please tell me you do not plan to watch _everything_."

"Make that four people who need to liven up," the redhead muttered.

The Hero's Shade sighed deeply. "I shudder to think of what images colored this water on my wedding nights."

Din grinned wickedly at him but said nothing while Farore giggled and Nayru blushed scarlet.

* * *

_ After having nothing completed or published in over a year and a half a friend of mine, tired of my waffling, challenged me to come up with a short story with a ridiculous premise and just slap it up on the site. Naturally, what I came up with was so much fun to write that I had 17,000 words written in one day, 50,000 in a few days, and no end in sight._

_ Well, that was over a month ago. This thing has practically turned into a tree with dozens of possible branches and endings and it started driving me nuts after I wrote about six of them. So I finally decided to say screw it and just start posting, as the first 30,000 or so words are pretty firmly established. I'll figure it out. Feel free to shoot ideas at me._

_ I have no idea what kind of reception this will get, given what it is, but I enjoyed writing it too much to just let it sit there unread and incomplete._


	2. Convincing a hero

"No, seriously, a story about what?" Link asked, his voice growing in pitch.

"I'm sure she'll tell us when she finishes," Zelda replied evenly, slipping her arm through his. "Come, Link. Let's leave her to her writing and continue our discussion about your behavior in council today."

"But Zelda!" he protested as she led him away. When they were out of earshot and out of sight behind a hedge she spun him around toward her, face flushed.

"Goddesses, Link, do you really think she's writing about... you know?" Zelda placed a gloved hand on her chest, willing her heart to slow its frantic pounding. It didn't listen.

The bearer of the Triforce of Courage swallowed nervously, folding his arms and walking on restless feet. "I hope not." They fell into a nervous silence for a long moment, pacing back and forth past each other. Link's voice broke the quiet and made Zelda jump. "But even if she is, we can just throw her in the dungeon and burn her journal, right?"

Zelda turned to see what looked like terror in cerulean eyes. On any other day the sight would have made her giggle. "You are too eager to throw people into dungeons," she observed, biting her lip. "But for once perhaps... or you could challenge her to a duel."

"She'd never agree. I mean come on, it's me we're talking about." Link frowned, then perked up. "Or you could challenge her. I'm sure she'd agree to that."

Zelda arched a slim brow, her regal mask falling back into place. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Link blanched. "Um..."

Ashei grinned wide when the sound of queen and hero arguing came through the hedge. Chuckling and shaking her head she dipped her pen in the ink, murmuring to herself.

"You'd think Hyrule's monarch and greatest hero would have learned the art of volume control by now. Especially after..." At the sound of Zelda shouting at the hero to stop fleeing her grin widened. "Now, where was I...? Oh, right."

Ten seconds later she sighed and scratched out yet another word, muttering to herself. "They should count their lucky stars I'm changing the names to protect the innocent, otherwise Hyrule would be in for quite the shock."

* * *

_Six weeks earlier..._

Telma's jaw dropped wide open. "You _what?_"

Ashei grinned and set her mug down on the bar. "I convinced her to have a secret rendezvous in the dark with a prospective mystery lover." She tossed her raven hair back proudly. "Shame you weren't there. A dangerous idea, some descriptive imagery, a little imagination, and bam, one excited queen with butterflies in her stomach."

The rather shapely bartender shook her head slowly and dropped to a seat beside her. "Blessed Din, Ashei. I would have thought it would be easier to convince a Goron to start eating Zoras, no matter how stressed she's been." She laughed. "How in Farore's name did you convince our dutiful self-sacrificing queen to give herself to a man she's never met?"

"I just told you! Imagery and imagination!" She shrugged. "Oh, and a little story about how I've had a lover for the past two years who comes and goes with a few good, handsome, discreet comrades." She smiled wickedly, one matched by Telma.

"Wow, honey, remind me never to get you really mad at me. You could convince all of Hyrule I water the drinks and use rat instead of cucco in no time flat." Telma laughed and took a sip of her drink, then gave her a quizzical gaze. "Wait a minute. So if they don't exist, just who is it that's going to be paying Zelda a midnight rendezvous?"

Ashei rolled her eyes. "Who do you think?"

Telma's jaw dropped open again. "_Seriously?_ "

"You really think I would set her up with anyone else?" Ashei snorted.

Telma looked skeptical. "And just how do you plan to convince him? He's as much of a straight arrow as she is! Goddesses, sometimes I think that boy actually delights in being an exhausted, stressed stick in the mud. He must have turned down half the women in Hyrule by now."

Ashei scoffed and slid up to a seat on the bar. "He just acts like that in public to keep up appearances. He's got a mischievous streak, a wicked sense of humor, and I've seen his eyes on me a few times when we're soaked to the bone." She nearly shivered at the memory. "Those eyes of his get the blood pumping, yeah? I can't imagine what the rest of him could do."

Telma arched one of her pointed brows. "And you're going to set him up with someone else?" she asked teasingly. "Are you a masochist, Ashei? Or just crazy?"

Ashei shrugged and drained her drink. "There's _no_ way I'm getting in the middle of whatever it is they've got. I'm not crazy." She pondered her dangerous idea for a moment and grinned. "Well, maybe I am. Anyways, assuming I wanted to, I'd rather be second than second place, yeah?"

Telma chuckled. "That's surprisingly mature, honey. And probably a good idea. But what can you possibly say to him to make him think about taking a woman he doesn't know to bed?"

Ashei frowned. That was her next obstacle. But if she convinced the queen, really, how hard could a red-blooded male be? "I'm working on that. It's a shame Rusl would never help us. He'd probably know just how to convince him."

"Or Renado," Telma said with a wistful little sigh. "I'm sure he could paint it as generous, spiritual thing to be celebrated or... something."

"Whereas we're the types to say 'Hey, want to get wild with a gorgeous woman?'" Ashei asked wryly.

Telma laughed. "Pretty much."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, working it over in their minds. Inspiration struck again, putting a wide smile on Ashei's face. "Ooh. I have an idea."

Telma eyed her warily. "Honey, why is it when you say those words I get the urge to load up the wagon and flee the kingdom?"

* * *

Link yawned again, stretching out the dull ache in his lower back. It felt as if the trip back from Labrynna was taking twice as long as the outbound journey. Of course, that was probably because he had spent almost a month summoning every ounce of his patience on the other side of a table from an arrogant, smarmy imbecile of a chancellor. Then there were the terribly boring dinners and trying to sleep with the events of the day and the plans for tomorrow stuck in his head. Not to mention having to gently fend off many advances of both noble women and castle servants alike, some of which had been surprisingly tempting after exhausting days. There had been one, a count's daughter with dark red hair and striking green eyes that he'd almost been unable to turn down. Her voice had been like velvet, her touch like silk, and her smile utterly captivating.

He sighed and ran a hand back through his brown hair, remembering the way she had tangled her fingers in it during that surprising kiss. He'd never had such trouble resisting a woman before... at least, not one that actually showed an interest in him. Probably because he had been thoroughly exhausted after three weeks of stress and her lips had freed him of all thoughts of politics for a short while. Besides, she had been far more subtle and soft-spoken than most of the others. Not for the first time she wondered if Rusl realized how fortunate he had been to meet a woman like Uli. And like each time the thought occurred to him, he wondered why he'd lost interest in Ilia considering the similarities of the two. Link shook his head to clear it. Women were a complicated puzzle of twisted metal made up of smooth lines, sharp edges, and dangerous curves; best left in the box lest one go mad trying to decipher it. Even if the stupid thing practically called out to him to solve it.

"Hey, stranger."

He had his sword half out of its scabbard before he put a face to the bold, almost cocky female voice. Turning his head he saw Ashei leaning against a tree on the path, ankles crossed and arms folded with a grin on her face. "Wow, you're losing your touch, Link."

He smiled wide and pushed his sword back into its sheath. Ashei was always a welcome sight, being one of his closest friends and his usual traveling companion. They had journeyed all over Hyrule together. Trained together, fought together, bled together. Possibly almost slept together. A cold cave, a warm fire, and clinging clothing had left a rather heated atmosphere between them until he excused himself to get more firewood. In retrospect, it was probably a good idea he had. His life was complicated enough already, especially when he continued to be haunted by dreams of pale blue eyes, ivory skin, pointed ears, and long silk gloves.

"No, it's just that you don't smell like a bulblin, bokoblin, or lizalfos. Well, not quite." He sniffed at the air and gave her a tired smirk. Ashei rolled her eyes and fell into step beside him, reaching back to rub Epona's muzzle, who responded with a contented nicker.

"Funny. How was your trip?"

He groaned. "Long, just like the story. I think I'd need four or ten pints at Telma's before I would feel good enough to talk about it, much less tell it all."

"Goddesses, Link," she said, eying him with a critical gaze. "You look twice as tense as you did before you left. Guess I was wrong to think it might almost be like a vacation for you, yeah?"

"Not even close." He sighed and glanced sidelong at her. "So what brings you out here? We're still a day from Castle Town."

He thought he saw a twinkle of amusement in her brown eyes but if so, it was fleeting under the shadowed light of approaching dusk. "Oh, I was escorting an old friend of mine from the road to Holodrum and decided to come back and wait for you. I have a camp up ahead."

"Thank Farore," he groaned. "Who's your friend?"

"An old family friend. Our fathers were close." She shot him a grin. "Okay, enough delaying. Did _anything_ interesting happen on your trip? Good battles? New mysterious equipment? A beautiful woman or two?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not really. No. No." He squirmed slightly. "Sort of."

"Spill it," she responded immediately. He'd forgotten how bossy she was. Sighing, he relayed the details about the women, hesitating for a moment before including the one he almost hadn't turned down. "What made her different?" She sounded genuinely curious but when he glanced at her he didn't see any sort of hunger or blushing cheeks, to his relief. They had long since cooled off since the cave incident, but she _was_ attractive.

He shrugged. "I don't know. She was more soft-spoken. Kinder. Her laughter wasn't shrill or forced and she spent more time looking at my eyes than, well, anything else." She snickered at that. "Don't get me wrong, she didn't hide what she was, uh, really after, but she didn't make it sound like some sort of scandalous game." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "If that makes any sense at all."

"I think so." She grinned wide. "So why didn't you?"

Were they really talking about this? Sighing, he followed her off the road toward a copse of trees. "She was a couple of years younger than me, her father was nobility, and let's not forget I was there as a representative of Hyrule and am a descendant of the Hero of Time." He grimaced. "Besides, imagine if it, uh, didn't live up to the expectations all these women probably have about me and she started gossiping." He decided not to mention the way he'd blinked in surprise after pulling away to see green eyes and red hair instead of the blue and chestnut that had sprang into his mind's eye.

Ashei chuckled. "Good point." She fell silent for a moment as if thinking. "Do you ever get tired of being recognized? Having to be the hero or ambassador or one of your many other titles?"

She knew him better than he'd thought. He nodded and gave her a rueful smile. "All the time. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change my life, but I do sometimes get sick of it all."

"That sounds familiar." Ashei fished a cloth-wrapped parcel out of a pouch on her waist and handed over a piece of dried venison. He bit into it eagerly, chewing and listening as the sun began to fall below the horizon. Sunset and twilight always felt much better with Rusl, Zelda or Ashei beside him. "My friend is kind of in the state you're in. Tired, worn out, wanting a break from it all."

He could sympathize. "You should bring her by Telma's," he suggested before a better idea struck him. "Actually, why don't you take her to Ordon and spend a week at my house? She might like the peace of it all. And you can't deny your addiction to Bo's soup." A week in Ordon sounded just about perfect, but he had news and letters to deliver to the castle and various other duties.

Ashei's brows rose. "That's... not a bad idea. Either of them. Huh. Why didn't I ever think of that?"

"Because you're Ashei," he teased, receiving a strong bump of her hip against his that nearly sent him stumbling. He glared at her. "Watch it, little girl." He'd hit his final growth spurt late, a relief when he found himself a few inches taller than Zelda and Ashei some months after Ganondorf's demise.

"Spare me, dog."

"Wolf."

"Whatever." They glared at each other for a moment, then laughed. He'd almost forgotten how good it felt to be out of the city with a friend.

The rest of the walk to her camp was in companionable silence during the fall of twilight, only the occasional passing of jerky and a bump of a hip serving as interaction. After all the time they had spent on the road it was familiar and comfortable, as was the easy way they put together canvas and made a lean-to large enough to fit both their bedrolls. They had the camp finished, food in their bellies, and a warm fire burning as the last of twilight faded away, leaving them lying side by side on their bedrolls with satisfied sighs.

"Finally," Link groaned. "Sixteen hours on the road never felt so long before."

"Didn't you fight that long in that crazy sky city Shad keeps prattling on about?"

He smiled wanly, gazing out at the stars. "Seventeen with a half-hour nap. It was too noisy to really sleep."

She turned her head and flashed him a grin. "Well, at least this time you're not going to sleep all bruised up from falling with a dying dragon."

"True, but if I don't watch my mouth I can expect to get bruises shaped just like your knuckles."

"Exactly." They shared a laugh, eyes slipping shut when one yawn inspired another. It was quiet but for the soft chirping of distant crickets, Epona's occasional nicker, and Ashei's slow breathing. The fine bed in Labrynna's royal palace hadn't felt nearly so good as open air, stars, a breeze, and having the comforting presence of two companions nearby. Consciousness began to slip away in slow bliss, but then it returned rather rudely to the sound of a quiet voice. "So if you weren't an ambassador or hero, would you have slept with her?"

Link jerked on his bedroll, blinking awake. "What?" Why in Farore's name was she waking him up to ask _that?_

Her shadowed lips twitched into a little smirk. "I said if you weren't an ambassador or hero-"

"I heard you," he muttered, feeling his cheeks warming. "Why do you want to know?"

"Curiosity," she answered, yawning. "My friend and I were talking about similar things on our way to Castle Town." Ashei wriggled deeper into her bedroll. "She's been through a lot over the last couple of years. She lost her best friend, then her sister and parents. Her home was nearly destroyed in a fire and then she had to deal with greedy uncles trying to take it from her when they were probably the ones who tried to burn it down in the first place."

Link scowled at the familiar story. He had seen how sad and tired Zelda often looked and she had experienced much that was similar. And while he had taken a week to recover after battling Ganondorf, she'd had only one night in Kakariko to soak in hot springs beside Midna and get a full night's sleep before she was back at the damaged castle with a broken government. A month later she had been queen, and it had never stopped. "Poor thing," he murmured, as much about Ashei's friend as his own. He glanced at her with a furrowed brow. "What does that have to do with... you know?"

Ashei tore a strip of venison in half, dropping one into his obediently opened mouth and popping in her own. "Better than half the people our age are already married." She shrugged, chewing slowly. "But she has no family, she's moving to a new place, starting over. She's a skilled musician but she'll have to build her reputation all over again. And since she's nobility, there's that to deal with, too. In short, she's emotionally exhausted and lonely." She paused for a beat. "And rather frustrated."

"Who wouldn't be?"

Ashei smirked at him. "I mean _frustrated._"

Link chuckled. "Oh. Right."

She gazed back up at the stars, chewing slowly. "I think she could use some intimacy right now. A soak in the hot springs is great, but it doesn't really compare to a human touch, yeah?"

Link had to suppress a sigh. What she was talking about was probably part of why he had been so tempted in Labrynna. When he was young Rusl and Uli had taken him in, given him the caring and warmth a child needed. When he grew older Ilia had provided that closeness with her warm presence and frequent embraces. It had only been when they grew older and more self-conscious that he had started to feel alone, particularly when he moved out into his own home and then again when he relocated to the castle and its cold marble floors. "Yes, I think most people want that." Not to mention the more heated aspect of the kind of intimacy she was talking about.

"The rest of us have it easy compared to you or the nobility," Ashei murmured thoughtfully. "No expectations, no one watching us all the time. If Shad or Telma or I wanted to take a lover, no problem. Who would really care other than the most ardent gossips?"

Well, he could admit to being a bit envious. "Remind me to hate you for that," he said wryly. "But that shouldn't be a problem for your friend, right? This is Hyrule, not Holodrum."

Ashei shook her head. "It doesn't matter. She'll still be invited to join the court and all that other stuff that comes with nobility. Besides, she feels like the last of her family even with those greedy bastard uncles alive, like she has a duty to preserve the name and history. That means playing their stupid game."

Link thought of Zelda again with a quiet sigh. He was and always had been drawn to her. And they were good friends, close and happy in the time they spent together, interacting with an odd freedom and their share of joking and teasing. But she was still a queen, he was still someone who preferred chain mail and tunics over doublets, and being with her would require entering her way of life. So he had to continually remind himself that he didn't fit.

The strange thing was that he had one day found himself seriously thinking about it while lying on the bank of the Ordon spring as twilight fell. Stranger still, he had realized he could probably do it. He had already learned how to properly behave and interact and could learn the history, laws, and customs as well. He was sure he could even balance his own modest personality and serve more as Hyrule's protector than a ruler while Zelda ran the kingdom. Part of him even enjoyed the thought of traveling throughout Hyrule as its sword and shield alongside a host of men trained at he and his friends' hands. And then there were the strange dreams he had been having recently, of approaching the castle doors to see an excited little girl with chestnut braids and blue eyes running toward him. But he was a former goat herder who spent most of his time with road dirt on his clothes. He pushed the thoughts aside once more, stifling a sigh.

"Yeah," he replied softly. "At least I get breaks from my duties and titles when I'm out on the road. Zelda and your friend don't even get that."

"Exactly," Ashei murmured. "And if I know her, she'll throw herself into whatever duties she can find. She's already refused to even think of men for the next year. Although I did see her face when we talked with a few women that were out for a ride. They were discussing their husbands... rather honestly, if you know what I mean."

Link smirked. "Got it."

"Yeah, swallowing, licking her lips, the whole thing. Like I said: frustrated."

"Got that, too." He eyed her wryly. "Ashei, you may want to reconsider talking about sex when you're lying next to a frustrated male in a cool night out in the middle of nowhere under the stars."

Even the dim starlight didn't hide the coloring of her cheeks but the bold warrior woman responded with an easy smirk. "Actually, that was kind of the point."

His blood froze in his veins. The only think he could think to say came out deceptively flat. "What."

Ashei rolled onto her side facing him, propping her head up on a hand. Link was rapidly growing confused. For all her tendency toward gruffness learned at her father's soldierly hand, he knew she could be coy and flirtatious when she intended to. But there was no trace of it when she turned to look at him.

"Okay, look, this might sound weird, but I was thinking about it while I was waiting for you." He eyed her warily. "My friend has a warm heart under all those scars. She's beautiful and sweet, but she's also lonely. Kinda reminds me of another friend of mine, yeah?" She arched her brows pointedly. His own furrowed while he stared. What was she getting at? After a long moment Ashei rolled her eyes. "You, Link."

"What about me?" he asked defensively.

"Do I really have to spell it out?" She sighed in exasperation.

It took another moment of staring before it sunk in, leaving him to blink and arch a dubious brow. "Are you trying to set me up with your friend?"

Ashei waggled a hand. "Sort of."

"Sort of? What does that mean?"

"Well, like I said, she's new here and she's too duty-bound to entertain the thought of courting anyone." Her lips quirked slyly. "But she did admit that the thought of a midnight rendezvous here or there was rather exciting."

Link stared at her for another moment, mentally replaying her words to be sure he'd heard her correctly. Oh, by Farore, was she suggesting what he thought she was suggesting? His brows suddenly felt as if they'd touched his hairline. "Okay," he spoke slowly, "so you're not only trying to set me up with your friend, but you're trying to set us up together... _naked?_" Ashei just shrugged. Link sighed and let his head slump back on his bedroll. She was clearly insane. Perhaps she had taken a hard blow to the head from one of Telma's mugs. "Right. Because putting a noblewoman who's determined to avoid scandal together with Hyrule's famous hero isn't a recipe for disaster or anything."

Ashei's smile grew secretive, arousing his suspicions once more. "That's where things get interesting. You'll notice I haven't told you her name or what she looks like."

There was a point there, obviously. He simply had to figure it out. That included glaring at her and frowning in thought while Ashei drummed her fingertips on her cheek. He must have taken too long, because her mouth resumed moving, this time with a soft, sultry note to it.

"Have you ever entertained the thought of a secret rendezvous with a mystery woman in the dark of night? Just you, the woman in your arms, soft sheets and dark shadows? Everything silent but for the sounds of your breathing, rustling blankets, and pleasured moans?"

Good goddesses, was she a writer of tawdry romance novels now? Still, his throat betrayed him with a swallow when a few rather vivid images came to mind. "Well... now that you mention it... no. Not until just now." Damn her.

Ashei's smiled looked positively predatory. "It's an exciting thought, isn't it? Nothing but your sense of touch and your imagination to tell you what your lover looks like?"

He had to admit it was rather... intriguing. Suddenly feeling the urge to move, he sat up and grabbed his water skin to take a sip while he tried to calm the mind that was creating some intense sounds and sensations. Swallowing, he chuckled weakly. "Well, I can't really disagree with you. But I think I may have given you too many blows to the head. Remind me to take you to the doctor when we get back to town."

Ashei took the skin and sipped, shrugging her top shoulder. "The only way you'd get me in front of that blind old quack would be for my autopsy. Anyways, we were both quite intrigued by the thought. I told her I knew a handsome but passionate sweetheart who might be just what she's looking for."

His cheeks colored at the description but he couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. He wasn't immune to compliments, even if they came from a lunatic who spent too much time drinking Telma's dangerous home brew. But what exactly was going through her mind? Why was he pushing this? And why did it sound so interesting? Exhaustion, yes, that was it. He was just tired. It explained everything. He squinted at her, deciding to change the subject. "Ashei, have you been drinking?"

"No." She continued as if he hadn't even spoken. "She was very interested. Excited, even. I mean, she's a bit shy, but I could tell the thought was going to be stuck in her mind for a very long time."

It was already stuck in his even when he knew it shouldn't. Not when he was raised in serene Ordon, expecting to grow up and marry sweet, innocent Ilia. Not when he was entranced by Hyrule's beautiful, noble queen. But he no longer wanted one and the other was just a dream he could never turn into reality. It was hard not to think about running his hands over warm, silky skin, learning the contours of a soft body in darkness while she moaned quietly and did the same to him.

Ashei's low snicker broke him of his thoughts. "Looks like hers wasn't the only one it got stuck in."

Link scowled at her but didn't deny it. Damn. Instead he rubbed the stubble on his chin contemplatively, gazing down at the shadow his boot cast on the bedroll. His life was complicated and too busy to go courting, assuming he even found anyone. And he had warm blood like any other person, after all. Perhaps something simple wasn't a terrible idea. True, it was scandalous, but it would be honest and quite possibly very fulfilling. Something free of tormenting thoughts and back-and-forth internal debate that he had to keep stopping. He clicked his tongue quietly a few times, letting his mind run through it all. Of course it was a terrible idea. Terrible. Crazy. Dangerous. No, there was no way he would-

"Want me to tell you a little about her?"

Well, listening wasn't saying yes, was it? "Oh, fine."

Ashei sat up in a quick motion, grinning in a manner he could only call victorious. Uh oh. "Like I said, she's beautiful. Slender and curvy but fit. She's sweet, a bit shy, but she has a strong heart and a lot of fire. Passions under the surface and all that. And, you know, frustrated." Ashei winked and he couldn't help but laugh despite the heat rising to his cheeks.

"Yeah, well, I doubt she has two decades of it built up." The words spilled out without conscious thought, and rather more grumpily than he would have expected.

"Actually, she does."

"Really?" That was surprising. Ashei made her sound somewhat aggressive. Innocent but aggressive... hmm. Intriguing. He took a sip of water.

"Yep." Ashei was smiling, drawing up her knees and wrapping her arms around her legs. "It's not like I'd set you up with a man eater or something. Even footing, no worries about the whole reputation or station thing, yeah? And it doesn't work out between you two, I don't have two friends who aren't comfortable with each other because they don't even know they had been tangled up between the sheets together in the first place." She winked.

He couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head. "By Farore, you're bad. And you've given this a lot of thought, haven't you?" Her head nodded rapidly. Ah! A way out suddenly popped into his thoughts. "Well, there's one little flaw, though."

Her face fell, leaving him feeling almost guilty. Almost. "What?"

"If I meet a new friend of yours I'm going to immediately know who she is. If not when you introduce us, then as soon as she mentions where she's from."

Ashei's smile returned in full, disturbingly sweet. "Actually, how do you know I didn't make all that up?" What? He blinked. "How does she know you're really a soldier friend of mine who escorts caravans from Labrynna?" Laughing, she stole the water skin. "Don't worry, she really is everything I described her as, I just make no promises on the life details. Oh, and did I mention she's beautiful?"

He smirked despite himself. Ashei didn't seem to know the meaning of the word 'quit'. "I think so. What color is her hair?" The question sprang from his lips before he even thought about it.

She set the skin aside and laid down with a yawn. "Purple. Really, really bright purple. Glowing, practically. Like an electrified Chu jelly."

"Smart ass." He laid down beside her. "And electrified Chu jellies are worse than Darknuts. I'm not even joking. One little mistake in timing and-"

"I'm not telling you anything. It would ruin the surprise and make her more identifiable." She turned to look at him. "Now, if you two really enjoyed being together and you decided you want to know who you are, that'd be up to you. But I will be held accountable for nothing. You hear me? _Nothing._"

Well, that was ominous. Still, he'd trusted her with his life countless times and had never been disappointed. Was this any different? Well, there had been that time she had walked them into a nest of wolfos, claiming there were only a few of them. That hadn't exactly worked out. Still... "Hmm." Musing, he gazed up at the stars. This idea of hers was becoming more fascinating the more he thought about it. And exciting. Link sighed but chuckled despite himself. "Well, I know what I'll be dreaming about tonight. Unless it's nightmares of electrified Chu jellies. Or that damn wolfos den you led me into."

"Oh?" Ashei sounded almost elated. "So you're really excited about this, aren't you? And don't start with me. Not after we visited the yetis and you stuck that damn cheese in my pocket."

He felt his cheeks warming again. He hadn't been considering Ashei's female curves when he'd arranged the prank and earned her a stiff-armed shove in the chest from a hungry yeti. The glare she had shot him from her spot on the kitchen floor while his amusement turned into horror had nearly set his hair on fire. "Uh, right. Anyways, excited is such a strong word..."

"Oh, just say yes so I can go to sleep, damn it. Besides, she's excited about it and I'd hate to disappoint her..."

Well, it wasn't as if indulging her meant being chained up with no escape. "Fine, yes, it's interesting." He glared at her. "But not exciting. I'm just indulging you." The words sounded hollow even to his ears.

Her smile was obvious in her tone. "Sure you are." Wriggling into her bedroll, she sighed contentedly. "Anyways, keep your schedule free for the next few nights." Either she wasn't listening or she was bound and determined to get her way for reasons he couldn't even begin to fathom. Well, he'd killed Ganondorf. If it came down to it, he could tell her she'd been hallucinating and give her a few hard smacks with his practice blade to get her to back off. Right? "Oh, and you should probably get some other scent to bathe in that you don't usually use."

Link's face twisted into confusion. "What?" He'd already agreed... sort of. What other craziness was rattling around in that head of hers?

"Link," she said patiently, "if it doesn't work out and she's familiar with your scent, she'll probably recognize you." Well, that was a good point. "And don't even get me started on that dog nose of yours."

"Wolf." What was it with the women in his life? First Midna, then Ashei, and even Zelda kept calling him a dog. True, his tongue tended to hang out of his mouth when he was concentrating and he shook water out of his hair, but it wasn't as if-

"Whatever."

"All right, I see your point." He yawned and pulled up his blanket. "Okay, let's talk about this tomorrow." No doubt he'd reconsider his decision with a more alert mind anyways and by then whatever intoxicating substance she had imbibed would have worked its way out of her system. "If I can sleep twelve hours then I fully intend to."

"Good idea. And Link?"

"Yes?"

"I don't care what you're dreaming: if I wake up to find you groping me I'm either going to beat you half to death or take advantage of you."

He smirked, having little trouble picturing either. "Yeah, love you too, Ashei."

She punched him in the arm hard enough to leave a four-knuckled bruise.

* * *

Din's grin nearly took in her ears when the images in the water faded away. "This is getting interesting."

Nayru sighed exasperatedly, closing her book. "Your plan is set in motion, sister. Will you please stop playing puppeteer with the poor girl?"

She scowled. "I am doing no such thing! Subconscious suggestions are not the same as control."

Farore was curiously quick to agree. "Exactly!"

The Shade sighed, his skeletal face once more buried in a gauntlet. "My lady, please tell me you were not-"

"Just a little!" she replied defensively. "Come on, he was genuinely intrigued. I just gave him a tiny nudge." She turned toward her studious blue-haired sister with a sly grin. "Besides, she did the same thing with the queen."

Nayru's jaw dropped open indignantly. "I did not!"

"Oh?" the Shade said dryly. "Then why are your cheeks coloring?"

The goddess of wisdom glared at him. "Tell me again why we allow you into our garden."

"My handsome visage and charm, no doubt," he drawled, drawing giggles from Din and Farore.

* * *

_Coming up next chapter: Link bumps into Zelda and things get complicated.  
_

_Thanks for the good reviews so far. It's more than I expected and it proves quite motivating.  
_


	3. Preparations and reunions

It was ridiculous the kinds of trouble he got himself but like always, he simply blamed Midna. She had been the one to start him on his adventure, after all, and it had been the mingling of her soul with Zelda's that had left the Hylian queen with a mischievous and hotheaded streak after she returned to her own body. Before Zant's invasion she had apparently been quite the soft-spoken bookworm. She still was much of the time, but then there were occasions when the mark the two rulers had left on each other's spirits was evident. Such as when Zelda glared fiercely at him and challenged him to a morning duel with no restrictions on weapons or magic.

Sighing, Link drew his sword and gazed down at its gleaming blade and royal blue hilt. Rusl had forged it shortly after the end of the war with the finest steel from the castle's treasury given by Hyrule's princess and enchanted by her own hands. It matched the dimensions of the Master Sword almost perfectly except for the hilt which was carved in a design of the Hylian Phoenix rather than the Master Sword's more upswept and aggressive guard and had the horns of Ordon etched on one side of the blade instead of another Triforce. Though a touch heavier it was no less finely balanced and many had mistaken it for the Blade of Evil's Bane. But that hardly made him feel any more secure.

"Really, Link? You defeat the bearer of the Triforce of Power in single combat but you're getting apprehensive over facing the queen?"

Turning, Link smirked at his approaching mentor and adoptive uncle as he began swinging the blade in a series of whirling movements to loosen his arm. "This is probably where I am supposed to say that I'm afraid of nothing and no one, but you've never seen Zelda really angry."

Rusl stopped, folding his arms and arching a brow. "I thought I had but judging by your tone I must be mistaken. Just what did you do this time?"

"What makes you think I did anything?" Link asked defensively. His mentor just raised his brow a little higher. Sighing, the hero turned to a training dummy and began carving tiny lines into its chest with fast, precise cuts. "I implied I could soundly beat Ashei in a duel but she would be a more even match."

Rusl laughed heartily and Link gave him a glare but the older man simply shrugged. "It may be true but I would have thought you had learned better by now. Clearly I have much to teach you about women."

"What's to know?" he grumbled, nicking the dummy's straw throat. "That whether they prefer diplomacy or straight talk they're all crazy?"

"Uh oh. A chill just ran down my spine." Link looked over to see a smirk on Rusl's face. "What role has Ashei played in this latest drama?"

"Haven't you seen her spending all her time writing in the castle courtyard?"

"What does that have to do with... oh." Link and Rusl shared a grim look. "Uh oh."

* * *

_Six weeks earlier..._

She had never had trouble paying attention growing up, even when the topic was something as dreadfully dull as the lineage of foreign rulers. Over the past year, however, she had occasionally found her mind wandering or completely blanking out during aggravatingly dull sessions with her council. Still, that had never occurred during audiences with petitioners until the last few days. Nothing seemed to keep her mind off of what Ashei might be up to. It was ridiculous, really. Instead of the archaic tradition of arranged marriage, her friend was going about setting up an arranged lover.

When it had first occurred to her in the bath the morning after the conversation, the absurdity of it had made her laugh. The gravity of the situation was quick to replace her amusement when she realized the true meaning of it all. Her friend was looking for a man to touch her, to caress her skin, remove her clothing, and grip her body. Someone who would kiss her, explore her with a warm mouth and tongue. Her thoughts had quickly become occupied with imagining just how thoroughly she would be explored, turning toward images of being pressed between silk sheets and the warm skin of a firm body moving atop her own.

A maid's hesitant call through the door had come when she was flushed and quivering in lukewarm water. Though she had been mortified by her behavior, that night saw similar results in the warmth of her bed. Twice. In fact, she availed herself of that particular form of stress relief more in three days than she had in three months, all the while bouncing between giggling at the craziness of it all and sternly scolding herself. Still, it did much for her tension headaches, but at the expense of her attention span. The council had noticed something off with her but she had explained it away as a mild illness she was battling. An illness called insanity, she had thought with a rueful chuckle. One that had left her wearing slippers instead of her customary boots due to the restless tapping of her foot in long meetings.

Finding an explanation for her own behavior was more difficult. At first she attributed it to the simple desire for release from the stress of ruling a kingdom. But she only grew more excited even as she became more conflicted. Every time she overheard Link's name in a corridor or it was mentioned in a council session her spirits fell but each time she reminded herself that she had come to terms with the knowledge that she had nothing to offer him as a man and once more stubbornly put the thoughts out of her mind. Repeatedly. Each time for the last time, she swore.

Zelda sighed quietly when he once more came unbidden to her mind. What would he think of this? If he knew, would be appalled? Disgusted with her? Jealous? If it was Link being set up with a woman for a midnight tryst her heard would be aching, she knew. But perhaps it was what she needed, something to help her move on from an impossible fantasy. Perhaps a touch of something real, something primal and carnal would would instil some sense of practicality to the matter of love she had grown up idealizing. Not that she wasn't aware Link had faults; he had his share. Not that she loved him.

"Oh goddesses," Zelda muttered. "Enough." She firmly pushed the thought aside, once more declaring it the last time.

"Enough of what?"

Zelda nearly jumped off the garden bench at the sound of Ashei's voice. Once more she had been spying on her from behind a bush but all thoughts of reprimanding her were forgotten with the sudden anxious pounding of her heart. "Ah... nothing." She swallowed and smoothed her skirt. "How are you?"

Ashei gave her a bright smile. "Oh, I'm fine, thank you. I had an interesting few days." She took a seat beside her on the bench.

"Really?" She congratulated herself for not stuttering. How far she had fallen.

"Yes. I went and met with Link on his way back from Labrynna and we spent the night under the stars. It was great."

Zelda's throat tightened. She knew they had often traveled together and slept side by side, but... goddesses, this was ridiculous. They were friends, all of them. "How so?" She hoped her practiced regal mannerisms kept the tension from her voice.

"It's been a long time since I slept out in the open and the stars were beautiful that night," Ashei replied, gazing up at the darkening sky. "We spent a lot of time talking." She chuckled. "Apparently our poor hero had women throwing themselves at him in Labrynna. Who knew the Hero of Twilight's reputation was so widespread?"

The queen's chest tightened almost painfully. "Throwing themselves at him?"

Ashei shrugged. "Apparently Labrynnan women are less reserved than Hyruleans," Ashei observed thoughtfully. "Anyways, I left him at the Faron border to pick up some things from Ordon. He'll be back at the castle later this evening." Ashei shook her head. "He's more stressed now than when he left. Maybe I should set him up with a similar arrangement."

Zelda resisted the urge to shout out an objection in an undignified screech and it took her some effort to speak without sounding like a strangled bokoblin. "I do not believe Link would ever go for such a thing."

Ashei shrugged. "Yeah, true. He's not the innocent boy everyone thinks he is, but he is pretty uptight." She turned and smiled at Zelda. "See? Life could be worse. You could be the hero instead of the queen, destined to get spider ichor all over your hair and all that without any passionate midnight rendezvouses to attend." She blinked. "Oh, I didn't tell you yet, did I?"

The thought of Link having no such activities to look forward to relaxed the grip around Zelda's heart but the reminder of her own plans snugged it right back up. "T-tell me what?" By Nayru, she was back to stuttering. So much for two decades of training in royal mannerisms. Midna would tease her horribly if she witnessed her behavior.

Ashei gave her a sly smile. "I know someone who's very eager to meet the sweet, shy but passionate woman I told him a little about." Zelda's pulse jumped but whether it was from fear or excitement she could only begin to guess.

"Really?" She managed to avoid another stutter. Or a squeak. And to think she used to be proud of herself for feats like outwitting councilmen or disarming Ashei.

"Yeah. He's as frustrated as you are but I think it's not only about the romp between the sheets," Ashei replied with a grin. "I think you'll get along very well."

Zelda's heart skipped a beat. True, she had indulged a fantasy of being led through the experience by a skilled lover who ravished her thoroughly, but more of her time had been spent imagining a slow experience that was sensuous and seductive. The tightness in her chest subsided fractionally, replaced by a growing tension low in her belly. "Oh. I can't say I dislike that idea," she admitted, feeling her cheeks heating.

"Good." Ashei curled her legs under her. "I'll tell you a little about him. He's a few inches taller than you, all lean muscle, strong and agile." Zelda's brows perked up. So far he sounded exactly as she'd pictured. Which was in no way like anyone she was acquainted with, of course.

"What color are his eyes?" she asked on impulse, wondering if they were a piercing blue.

"Silver. Gleaming silver, like moonbeams," Ashei said dryly. Zelda took the hint, rolling her eyes.

"Fine. I suppose I wouldn't want him to know my hair and eye color, either."

"Not until you've been rendering each other hoarse and exhausted for a while, at least," Ashei remarked coyly. Zelda blushed crimson. Sometimes her friend was a little too outspoken.

"Ah... yes, perhaps." She cleared her throat. "What else can you tell me about him?" Despite the annoying part of her mind that kept interrupting with thoughts of... something else... she was surprisingly eager to know.

Ashei leaned back and hummed thoughtfully. "Well, of the men he's the most handsome, the most skilled, and the bravest, but he's only arrogant when he's joking about it. Otherwise he has sort of a calm confidence. Great eyes, too. Very sharp. And a warm smile."

The unpleasant tension slipped away as Ashei continued to describe him, replaced by curiosity and excitement. One question in particular begged to be asked. "Is he... how experienced is he?"

Her friend flashed a wicked smile. "How experienced do you want him to be?"

Zelda was taken aback. She shrugged her shoulders, laughing nervously. "I don't know. One one hand it might be a relief to be no more or only a little less experienced than another. But on the other hand-"

"-he could leave you screaming his name?" Ashei finished slyly. "Well, if you knew it, that is." Zelda's blush was deep.

"Really, Ashei," she scolded, determined to take back control of the conversation that had long ago run away from her. Her friend, however, had other ideas. She simply smirked in silence until Zelda couldn't help herself. "So...?"

"I'm not going to say," Ashei answered, giving her a genuine smile. "I think that particular mystery is exciting unanswered, isn't it?" Zelda couldn't deny that, saying as much. "Good. I have a feeling you'll end up crying out a lot, though, and not because of any level of experience." Ashei grinned wickedly. "He just strikes me as being someone who can rise to any occasion, no pun intended. In fact, I'm a little jealous." Zelda swallowed, the thought of arching and digging her nails into a muscled back while she shrieked and shuddered hitting her vividly. Her friend pattered her knee lightly, breaking the spell. "So I came up with some ideas. Location, for one. How about in the suite of rooms you gave the Resistance?"

Zelda's brows shot up. "In the castle? That seems rather close to home."

Ashei shrugged. "That's easily explained as me having a secure location I can set up for you both." She smiled. "Besides, Telma has never even stayed in 'her' room and her bed is pretty soft... and large. Lots of room to roll around in." Zelda's cheeks colored again. She really needed to begin applying rouge as part of her morning routine. "You can set it all up how you want. You know, silk sheets, dim lights, all that. Maybe a little Triforce illusion magic or something."

She made some valid points. Her own presence wouldn't be out of the ordinary if she was walking alongside Ashei, and only Shad stayed in that part of the castle as Rusl bunked with the soldiers when his family wasn't visiting. Link's room were in the royal wing close to hers, so it wasn't likely he would be dropping by to see Ashei in the middle of the night. The thought of her hero once again dimmed her excitement, though, and Zelda sighed.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "It's nothing."

"I doubt that." Ashei laid a hand on her shoulder with surprising compassion. "Let me guess: a green tunic and blue eyes?"

The queen looked away. She should have known better than to underestimate Ashei. Despite her penchant for lowering her head and charging in she was more perceptive than people gave her credit for. "I... yes." Straightening her back she once more pushed the thoughts aside. "Nothing more than stray thoughts and foolish romantic notions." Summoning a weak smile, Zelda shrugged. "Easily forgotten."

Ashei nodded. "I get it. I've been there myself." As Zelda's brows rose her friend rolled her eyes. "I may be one of your knights and in charge of your personal guard but I'm still a woman with a pulse. Anyways, we've been over this already but maybe we need to go through it one more time." Ashei regarded her seriously. "One day soon Link will find someone of his own, you know. You can either accept that or pursue him. But you can't keep going back and forth like this, Zelda. It'll just tear you up, yeah?"

"I know," she murmured, crossing her legs and lacing her fingers over her knee. She didn't have the heart to continue her protests about her feelings for the Ordonian. "And perhaps this will help me move on."

Ashei coughed. "Yeah, uh, probably." She reached over and squeezed her hand, an awkward gesture for the brash warrior. "Besides, you can stop at any time. Which brings me to the rules."

"Rules?" Zelda asked, puzzled. There were rules for scandalous sexual encounters? After reading some of her ancestors' journals she was well aware that she wouldn't be the first monarch to indulge in such things but the idea of rules had never occurred to her.

Apparently there were quite a few. Changing her scent, avoiding her usual Triforce jewelry, long gloves, and braids, and a few other items that left her torn between mortification and excitement.

* * *

Ashei had dropped by his suite a few hours after dusk as he unpacked with some surprising news. Two days. It was a bit of a shock to learn it would take place in the castle, a place he associated with Zelda, but at least she was on the other side in the royal wing.

It had been a struggle not to think about the queen whenever he grew excited thinking about what was to come. Ashei had given him good, honest advice in her own blunt fashion, telling him to either give up or go for it. The choice was obvious but it was difficult to reconcile that they would never be more than friends. He reminded himself that it was probably no different for anyone else who was quite naturally smitten by Hyrule's beautiful queen. He hadn't seen Shad morosely drinking himself into a talkative stupor in months, so clearly he would get over it as well.

Besides, Ashei had slyly informed him that her friend was excited as he was. Right before she promptly mortified him with a few choice bits of information that, while practical, were rather sensitive and strange to hear coming from the lips of a friend. Then she had reassured him that her friend had been blushing as red as heart container, which sounded rather endearing.

The rules for his wardrobe had been much less embarrassing. No earrings, but he had stopped wearing them anyways. He had discovered – rather painfully – that they caught too easily on dungeon hazards. No floppy cap, naturally. No weapons, of course. It had been a surprise to learn that her friend had some minor skill in magic but it was nice to know that they could speak if necessary. Though he had agreed to try to avoid that. Something about speech patterns and mannerisms. What else? Right, no chain mail. Obviously. In yet another surreal moment Ashei had thrown open his closet and rummaged through his clothing, picking out a long-sleeved lace-necked shirt, a soft tunic, and lightweight trousers. Apparently her friend liked simple but elegant, though he'd wondered aloud just what it would matter in a dark room. Ashei had stared at him and muttered something about being hopeless.

Link looked at the timepiece on his nightstand. Two days and one hour. His boot started tapping on the smooth wooden floor. Sighing, he rose and pulled off his cap, tossing it aside. He was not at all tired. Restless, in fact. Deciding on a walk around the palace grounds, he headed for the door.

What would she be like he wondered as he slowly walked the empty corridors. Ashei had guessed she would be soft and gentle at first, perhaps hesitant and content to follow his lead, but likely eager to learn and experiment. Despite the embarrassment he'd felt hearing his friend describe his future mystery lover's interests it had all sounded quite promising. And exciting. Link shook off the thoughts with a rueful chuckle. If he kept it up he would have nothing but sex on his mind for another forty-nine hours.

He jumped in surprise when he nearly ran into someone outside the door to Ashei and Telma's suite, quickly stopping in his tracks.

"Link?"

The surprised, melodious voice he hadn't heard in over a month made his heart skip a beat. Despite having dreaded running into the one woman he had been fighting to keep out of his mind he couldn't help the excitement he felt when he looked upon Hyrule's queen. She looked as beautiful as he remembered, adorned in a simple but elegant teal dress. Her long chestnut hair was loose, not even drawn into the two customary braids that hung in front of her shoulders, though she wore the long gloves that so often adorned her arms. There was a pink flush on her cheeks that made her look truly breathtaking.

Link managed a smile, trying to get his heartbeat back under control through will alone. "Hello, Zelda." He held out his hands but she stepped between them, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. He returned it with a contented sigh. She always felt so good in his arms, and still did, even if... Swallowing, he tried not to think about it. Or the warmth of her body, which was supple and slender beneath the silk of her dress. Or the scent of her hair and perfume, which he couldn't help but inhale deeply.

"I missed you," she whispered.

"And I missed you," he murmured, feeling the tickle of her soft hair on the side of his moving lips. It brought to mind the first time he held her, during the small celebration following the knighting ceremony for him and the Resistance. Discovering Zelda was not simply a sad, aloof ruler but a woman with a sense of humor and human failings had been the best part of that happy day.

But she _was_ a ruler. And his friend. They both stiffened at once, he with the realization that one didn't hold a friend and a queen so tightly or for so long. Stepping back he slid his hands down to clasp hers, mustering a smile as he gazed into those beautiful blue eyes. "You look less worn out than when I saw you last. I was worried about you."

Curiously, her cheeks colored and her smile looked tentative. "I have been a bit more rested. You look a little more vibrant yourself despite what Ashei said about your stressful trip."

His own cheeks warmed when he recalled the excitement that had been the cause. Not that he could mention it. "Well, blame Ashei," he said with a wry smile. "She made me sleep when she escorted me back to Castle Town, the slave driver." He glanced at the door. "Is she in?"

Zelda looked taken aback. "She... no, she isn't. She rarely sleeps at the castle regardless."

"True." It occurred to him that his visit was a little suspicious in light of that fact. "What brings you by, then?" he asked in an attempted deflection, flashing a teasing smile. Zelda's cheeks darkened again, oddly.

"I was feeling restless and felt like talking for a while." A slender brown brow arched. "And you?"

Damn. "The same," he lied, shrugging. He couldn't exactly tell her he just sort of found himself outside the suites he planned to bed a woman in, could he? Chest tightening, he looked away at the door, unable to meet her gaze. "She put me to sleep by talking on the road; I figured she could do it again." Link summoned a grin.

Zelda's pink lips twisted into that little smirk that didn't befit a queen but made the woman beneath the crown look rather sexy. "I shall tell her you said so." Her fingers curled in a light squeeze, one that made him smile despite the quickening beat of his heart.

"I knew you would become a tyrant, abusing your power," he teased. "If only everyone knew about the cruel woman behind the beautiful mask."

Zelda's cheeks turned a shade of pink again, her lips curving demurely. She was so beautiful when her shy side shown through, just as much so as she was when flushed from the exertions of their sparring sessions. A passionate woman lurked beneath the surface. Why did that sound so familiar? And why in Farore's name was he thinking about his friend like that? A gloved hand slipped from his, giving him a very light slap on the cheek and breaking him from his dangerous line of thinking. "Careful, goat herder, or I will have you thrown in the dungeons..." Her eyes glimmered. "...With Shad."

Fighting the grin that threatened to curl his lips, Link groaned dramatically. "Oh, goddesses." Dropping to his knees he raised her knuckles to his lips, kissing them repeatedly. "Please, Your Majesty, _anything_ but that! I'll do your laundry, clean out your stables, even hem your dresses, but do not condemn me to that!"

Zelda giggled and ruffled his hair with her free hand. "Oh, very well, you obnoxious little peasant."

Lifting his head, Link smirked up at her and rose. "Obnoxious? Peasant? My dear queen, do you really wish to be slung over my shoulder and carried back to your rooms like a sack of oats?" He took a step toward her.

Zelda retreated a step, eyes narrowing. "You would not dare."

Link paused, chewing his lip. "Well... perhaps not." The queen nodded firmly. Waiting a beat, he slowly let a wicked smile curl his lips. "But I would scoop you up and carry you." Darting forward he slid his arms behind her back and knees, lifting her up into his arms. Zelda shrieked, breaking into laughter.

"Link, you brute, unhand me this instant!"

He couldn't help but grin, setting off toward the exit to the guest quarters with joy in his heart. Though she was more than just a marble statue of a ruler it had taken some time with him and his friends to get the orphaned, burdened queen to enjoy simply being a young woman and he delighted in knowing the real Zelda. "I'm afraid not, milady. I am duty bound to escort you safely to your rooms where you may retire. And there will be no ghost stories this night, either. You need a full night's sleep if you're to face the council tomorrow." He always made it a habit of keeping up with Zelda's schedule, frequently running into her in what were, of course, complete coincidences that often led to lunch or a walk in the garden.

Zelda huffed and folded her arms across her chest but he could see her lips tugging at the corners of her mouth. He simply smiled, ignoring the gazes of the guards as he entered the main foyer and carried her past the grand staircase. The palace guard were used to their antics. When the castle was emptied of visiting dignitaries and the servants had gone to bed they allowed the veneers of monarch and hero to slip a little. The guards had enough respect for their queen and commander to only smile beneath their helms and let it pass without gossip. No doubt Ashei's glares and loud voice had something to do with it as well.

When they were inside the maze that was the royal quarters and out of earshot of the final guard post he bounced her lightly in his arms. "You feel light. Haven't you been sparring like I instructed you?"

Zelda's lips did curl into a full smile then. "Yes, with the exception of the last few days. Ashei was keeping you out of trouble and visiting with friends, I believe."

She probably meant Ashei's lady friend from Holodrum. His damned cheeks warmed again at the thought and he attempted to disguise it with humor. "She has friends? You mean people who like her instead of simply tolerating her like you and I and the Resistance?" He grinned but Zelda gave him a glare.

"Yes, she has friends." Her own cheeks colored again, puzzling him. What was going on in that complicated, keen mind of hers? She had been oddly quick to blush. He, at least, had a reason. "Don't be so cruel, Link."

Shaking it off, he smiled slyly. "It's not my fault she dresses up like a snow monster and terrifies unsuspecting heroes."

Zelda's laugh was a pure, musical thing that warmed his heart. "I loved that story and wish I had been awake for that." Her time merged with Midna had seen her only sporadically conscious of what was going on.

"I would have enjoyed having you with us in mind and body," he said. "You could have absorbed some of Midna's snark and kept redeads from screeching at me with a few well-placed arrows."

"I would have liked that, too." They shared a smile before he set her down lightly outside her door.

"Here we are. Like I said: no ghost stories tonight."

Zelda pouted. "What about tomorrow night?" Their evenings by the fire in her private study telling stories or reading to each other were often the highlight of his day, but...

He shook his head. "I'll be in Kakariko helping Rusl and Renado with the sanctuary roof and will probably sleep there. How about the night after-" Link flinched, suddenly recalling what was planned that night. To his surprise, Zelda's ears twitched as well.

"Ah, no," she said, somewhat stiffly. "I'm afraid I have an engagement that night. Some silly business with another bore of a suitor and his fascination with constellations to placate the council."

The mention of a suitor chilled his blood as it always did. At least she didn't seem to be looking forward to it... or did she? She was rather flushed. The chill became something almost icy.

"Well, I'm sure it won't be all that bad," he managed, shrugging and attempting to come up with an excuse. "I almost forgot that I promised Hena a trip down the rapids." He feigned a smug smile. "She claimed she could beat my high score even during a new moon." He hated to lie but it just seemed to spill out for reasons he couldn't explain.

"Oh." Zelda's expression softened and her lips tightened. "Well... tell her I said good luck," she said with a weak smile. There was suddenly an odd tension between them and after a moment she turned to open her door. "Goodnight, Link," she murmured without turning.

He thought about taking hold of her hand and giving her a hug but she quickly slipped into her suite of rooms and closed the door with a quiet thud and the click of the latch. Frowning, Link ran a hand back through his hair and stared at the heavy cherry-stained door. Why did such a happy reunion turn so awkward so quickly? Sighing, the young hero shook his head and turned toward his own rooms, attempting to distract himself from the question with thoughts of what another woman would feel like in his arms. And whether she would have blue eyes or such shapely curves.

* * *

Zelda leaned back against her door with a deep sigh. The happy moments of the reunion had turned into awkward discomfort with startling speed. What was it about Link that made everything so delightful in one moment and so complicated the next? She walked toward her closet, untying the laces behind her neck as she went as she replayed the previous half hour in her mind. Despite the reminders of what she had planned two evenings hence it had been so easy to forget about it all and simply enjoy being in Link's presence again. Being in his arms, whether in an embrace or carried as if she had again sprained her ankle, stirred a confusing myriad of feelings. Comfort, security, peace, happiness and even something thrilling. Something that brought to mind the royal blue silk sheets on what had been Telma's bed and the image of being slowly laid down atop them, feeling her own bare skin on cool smoothness.

Shivering, Zelda pulled off her dress and hung it. If her imagination was going to be involved when she was in warm arms in that dark room she suddenly began to wonder just whose face she would be picturing.

* * *

Din snickered and disrupted the image in the water with a splash of her hand before the poor Shade would be subjected to the sight of his ancestral daughter stripping off her slip. "You know, for the bearer of Nayru's piece of the Triforce your wife was just as oblivious as you were. Good to know you managed to keep that in the bloodline." Rolling onto her back she smirked up at the skeletal hero. "And wouldn't you know it? It seems you were successful in passing down that particular failing in your first marriage as well!" The water shimmered and turned into an image of Link sitting on his bed staring into his fireplace with a frown, apparently lost in thought.

The Hero's Shade glowered at the red-haired goddess, ignoring Farore's giggling as Nayru took the opportunity to speak up. "I thought you would be happy, sister!" The goddess of wisdom smiled wickedly over at her sibling from her seat against the trunk of a tree. "Such clueless obstinacy should remind you of what you see in the mirror every day!" Farore's quiet mirth turned into laughter.

Din's amber eyes burned. Rising to her feet she stormed over to Nayru, glaring down at her while the latter simply smiled serenely. "And just what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Nayru batted her deep blue eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry. Should I use smaller words?"

With a roar the impulsive sister launched herself at her sibling but Nayru vanished in a flash of blue, leaving Din to collide with the cypress tree. The poor thing shook with the impact and the redhead roared in anger, charging after her giggling sister. When they were safely out of earshot the Shade allowed himself a chuckle while Farore howled in laughter.

"I am ashamed to admit it, but she had a point," the Shade said, the bones in his jaws creaking quietly with what would have been a smile if he had flesh. "They do seem to be doomed to follow in the stumbling footsteps Zelda and I left so long ago."

Farore, her amusement finally under control, smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, don't be so melodramatic. The circumstances are different. She does not blame herself for sending a confused young man back in time to wander the world lost and struggling to find a place and he is not so scarred and burdened as you were. Besides, the two of you made it through it all just fine. Have a little faith."

He nodded slowly, staring down into the pond that once more reflected the golden sky of the Sacred Realm. A color that always reminded him of... "I know. But I cannot help but fear it will end no better than it did for us." He uttered a sad sigh, recalling golden blond hair still gleaming even in the stillness of death.

"A thousand years have turned you into a pessimist," Farore observed quietly. "Not everything is doomed to repeat itself, you know."

"One can hope," he murmured, falling into old memories, this time of red hair and sapphire eyes closing for the final time under a bloody sky. "Some things should never be repeated."

* * *

_As originally written there weren't any of the 'present day' or goddess scenes and it was a little lighter in tone. I go back and forth between happy with it and frowning. It wouldn't surprise me if this ends up undergoing a rewrite when I'm finished but hopefully it's enjoyable as-is. I'd usually spend months nitpicking and rewriting and editing and all that. But I'll just say that Ashei was partially inspired by a certain someone who knows how to glare at me and get me to just do instead of agonize over everything.  
_

_Not sure how much detail I'll go into with the Shade's history, as much of it is similar to what's in the works for my more conventional (and T-rated) post- Twilight Princess story._

_Next chapter will include Rusl and Renado and further on will have many more. I'm looking forward to publishing the chapters where our poor queen and hero spend much of their time facepalming._


	4. Why Hylians hate Bulblins

_ Sorry for the delay. After rereading what I had originally written I decided to give it some serious editing and ended up adding a whole section that affected everything after that._

_ I made a few small edits to previous chapters and added a large section in Chapter 1 you might want to take a look at. It's the intro to Ashei's book and I was greatly amused writing it. It adds some background to Link and Zelda's relationship, something I think was needed. Might still need more, but we'll see._

_ I'm hoping the next chapter won't take too long, but I may end up spending a fair bit of editing time on it. I will not confirm or deny the reason for that..._

* * *

Fighting a darknut was dangerous. Facing off against a cornered mother badger was tempting fate. Dueling an annoyed Queen of Hyrule was downright suicidal. Despite being outmatched in physical strength, skill, and power her magical knowledge and speed were deadly. She fought like a hellion, a hundred and twenty pounds of agility and quickness that was constantly thrusting at the smallest of openings with her slender blade even as she kept him off balance with magical attacks and summoned walls to box him in.

"What's gotten into you?" Link demanded as he rolled under a swipe of her sword. "What is this all about?"

Ashei, who stood on the sidelines watching with Rusl, whispered to her companion. "I think it's called foreplay." She yelped when a magical bolt struck between her feet and glared at the flushed queen but Zelda had already turned her attention back to Link, backing him up toward the wall of the courtyard.

"This is about you being insufferable!" He ducked a vicious slice. "Indiscreet!" Steel rang with a last-second parry. "Being friends with that damn bulblin and that stupid yeti!"

Link slid her blade up high and spun around behind her, escaping the latest trap. Zelda whirled around with, her long brown braid whipping furiously, fixing him with a glare that left Ashei glancing at her sword again to make sure it was the dull practice blade. It was. Not that she felt much better.

"It's not my fault!" Link protested, swiping an errant lock of hair out of his eyes. "They don't know the meaning of tact! And neither does Ashei! Can't we just agree to blame her?"

"Hey!" she protested, holding up her hands. "It's not my fault!"

The fierce look she received from Zelda's cold blue eyes left her backing up a step. "Oh, this is entirely your fault but we will be discussing that – and whatever it is you are writing – later. Count on it."

Ashei swallowed. So much for wild success. Utter disaster it was. At least for today. Well, there was always tomorrow.

* * *

_Six weeks earlier..._

Zelda met with her council three times a week. It was a vast improvement over the five it had been when she began her rule as a princess mired in guilt for surrendering her kingdom. The support of Link and the Resistance had helped her move past that and to truly believe herself the rightful sovereign. Though she had reigned in the few among the council's number that had begun to take liberties with their positions and reduced the number of meetings, they still always seemed to run late and leave her head aching. For the hundredth time why she hadn't decreed that the council would not meet first thing in the morning. True, it would be a rather autocratic thing to do when the council was supposed to form consensus, but she _was_ the sovereign ruler of Hyrule. That much was obvious when everyone she passed in the castle's corridors bowed, curtsied, or saluted. Except one. The one who had left her in a state of confused discomfort at her door the previous night. The one she had a dream about that involved –

"No! Not that one!"

The queen entered the main foyer of the castle just in time for the alarmed shout of Hyrule's hero to break her from her irritated thoughts. She and her companion stopped and began looking around the many balconies of the round chamber but an ear-splitting screech left them wincing and staring in shock as one of the massive chandeliers began to fall. The one right above their heads. "Oh, naturally," she muttered, throwing up an arm to summon a protective shield. Fortunately the chandelier came to a jerking stop only feet above the shimmering blue dome. Blinking her eyes, she looked above it to take in the surprising sight of a green-clad Link suspended in midair between two taut chains connected to his clawshots. Noticing them, he flashed a tiny grin.

"Good morning Your Majesty, Lady Parulla," he greeted them with a strained voice.

"G-good morning," her companion and council member stammered out. "What... what just happened?"

"It... it was my fault!" a small voice called out from above them. Zelda looked up to see young Colin peering over the railing of a balcony with red cheeks and downcast blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty! I loosened the wrong rope."

The queen let her shield fall. Her lips quirked up into an amused smile when she took in the sight of Link suspended from one chandelier and holding the full weight of another, the tension evident on his features. No doubt he wished to slowly release the chandelier to the ground but their presence beneath it made that impossible. Zelda couldn't pass up the opportunity, especially with him so vulnerable. Even if he looked quite powerful and impressive holding up the chandelier like that.

"Why Link," she cooed, "what ever are you doing stuck in such a precarious position?" She remained in place even as Parulla scurried out from under the chandelier.

Link shot her a glare. "The usual, milady. Repairing your kingdom one small task at a time. Oh, and trying desperately to keep my shoulders from dislocating, so if you would be so kind as to move aside?" His face scrunched into a wince as the chandelier jerked an inch.

Zelda feigned surprise, looking up at the chandelier. "Oh, yes. That does appear to be rather heavy." She took a step but stopped and looked back up at him. "Were you not supposed to be in Kakariko helping with some repairs?"

"That's... later," Link uttered through gritted teeth.

"I see. Well, I shall not keep you." Smiling, Zelda walked off alongside Parulla, calling back over her shoulder. "Keep up the good work, hero."

A moment later she heard the heavy tinkling thud of the chandelier touching down on the stone followed by a groan from Link. She allowed herself a tiny smirk.

"What was that all about?" Parulla asked, her face even paler than usual beneath her wavy brown hair.

"Oh... nothing," Zelda answered, her amusement fading. Why _was_ she so annoyed with him?

* * *

"You seem anxious, Link."

Renado always had been a perceptive man. Sometimes too perceptive. Of course, he could never hold that against the man who had protected the children from Ordon and helped restore the memory of his oldest friend.

Looking up from his mug, Link arched a brow at the Kakariko shaman. "I do?" Well, he was probably right. In twenty-six hours he had an appointment of a rather scandalous nature, an appointment he found himself anticipating more strongly since Zelda had nearly allowed his arms to tear out of their sockets. The queen was an infuriating woman, especially with that teasing smile and those twinkling blue eyes... _Bah._ Link took a drink of his ale and pushed the image out of his head.

"You do," Rusl agreed with a chuckle from his place across Link at the table in Kakariko's Elde Inn, now owned by Telma. "It reminds me a bit of the night before my wedding to Uli."

_Well..._ Link curled his lips into a smirk. "You were nervous about marrying _Uli?_ You should be flogged for that, Rusl. For shame."

"Watch it, boy." Rusl pointed a finger at him and feigned a glare. "Don't even think about moving in on my lady."

"I'm not that brave," Link replied, smiling crookedly and adjusting his legs in the empty chair at the table. When his mentor smiled in self-satisfaction he stuck the knife in. "Colin would thrash me."

Renado laughed, a rare sound from the somber shaman. The deflated look on Rusl's face was hard to resist and Link found himself laughing as well.

"What are you boys laughing about?" Link glanced up and smiled at Ashei, moving to stand, but she grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back into his seat with a roll of her eyes. She had never appreciated chivalric gestures. He therefore had made it a point to make them.

"Link here was implying – very subtly, mind you – that Rusl's son is a more formidable protector of the lovely Lady Uli's honor than her own husband." Renado had a few drinks, which always seemed to turn him into a smooth talker. Small wonder Telma bought the inn, now that he thought about it. And the drinks _did_ seem a little stronger than usual. Devious woman.

"Yeah?" Ashei moved to pull the empty seat out but Link growled at her and kept it pinned with the toe of his boot. "What was Colin defending her from?" Smirking down at him, Ashei shrugged and dropped heavily to a seat on his lap, finding his elbow with her stomach. Link grunted and glared up at her but she ignored him. Make that two infuriating women.

Rusl arched a brow at the sight of Ashei perched sideways on Link's legs but she was supporting herself with an armored elbow on the young man's shoulder and judging by his wince, it wasn't exactly comfortable. The pair had one odd relationship.

"Rusl feels threatened by me," Link said nonchalantly. "I can't blame him, really. Master Sword, Triforce, Zant, Ganondorf... oh, and I rode a dragon." Link grinned wide at his mentor. Rusl rolled his eyes while Ashei and Renado laughed.

"So." Ashei turned to her cushion, digging her elbow in just a little harder with a smirk. "Ready for tomorrow?"

Catching Rusl and Renado's interested glances, Link glared at her. "Yes. You, on the other hand, won't live to see tomorrow if you don't get off me. You may not have an ounce of fat but muscle isn't exactly light, you damn yeti."

"You'll live." Ashei smiled saucily and turned back to the others, stealing a sip from Link's mug.

"What happens tomorrow?" Rusl asked. "Don't tell me you are planning to invade another kingdom or some other equally insane idea I have come to expect from the two of you."

"Oh, no," Ashei answered. "Nothing like that."

"What, then?" Renado asked with unusual curiosity, lifting his mug to his lips. Idly, Link wondered if Telma had the bartenders pour the shaman's drinks from a special barrel with double the alcohol content.

Link snatched his mug back and took a sip, waiting a moment to reply. _Wait for it... _"We're getting married." The timing was perfect. He ducked behind Ashei when ale shot out of the two older men's mouths in a ferocious spray. Ashei cursed and wiped her wet face.

"Damn it, Link!" She punched his thigh. "That was not funny!"

"I thought it was hilarious," Link contested, his grin wide despite the pain. While she never put as much force into her punches as she needed to truly damage someone who had blocked Ganondorf's powerful strikes, they always managed to sting. When she tried again he grabbed her wrist and twisted it behind her back, turning to Rusl. "Don't be so nosy." As Ashei started to struggle he laughed and let her go, pushing her up onto her feet. "Go get another chair. My feet are comfortable." She walked off with a cold stare but he ignored it, yawning. It had been a long day of working and grooming Epona.

"So you are not getting married?" Renado asked hesitantly. The thought of the two of them spawning little hybrid copies of themselves was terrifying. One could only imagine the chaos that would ensue and leave all of Hyrule boarded up in their homes in terror.

"You must be drunk," Link said while Ashei was still out of earshot. As she neared he raised his voice. "Though I suppose I could do worse."

"Damn right," she muttered, dropping down her chair and falling into it. "No, the hero here has an appointment with a lady."

The older men's brows shot up. "Really?" Rusl asked. "You're courting? Who?"

Link folded his arms and gave Ashei a cool smile. "Yes, Ashei. Who?"

She smirked right back at him from behind her mug of ale. "Drop it, Link. I'm not telling. And if you keep pushing I'll tell her you once proposed to and got turned down by a Malo Mart groupie."

"Ouch. Point taken."

Rusl looked puzzled. "You don't know who she is?"

"I do," Ashei answered. "He doesn't. More fun that way. All he needs to know is that she outweighs him by fifty pounds and has half his number of teeth."

"Really?" Link smiled wide. "Well, never mind what I said, boys. If I'd known I was going out with _you,_ Ashei, I would have bought a new tunic and wedding bands."

He ducked the punch that was thrown at his forehead.

* * *

When Link and Ashei departed shortly thereafter, allegedly so he could give her a loan to buy a new sword from a traveling Goron smith, Rusl and Renado watched them go with interest.

"What do you think?" the swordsman asked. "_Something_ is going on."

"I agree." The shaman hummed quietly. "I believe that girl is up to something. It would not surprise me if Link and the queen are involved." He hiccuped loudly, drawing amused gazes from the other patrons.

"I wouldn't bet against you," Rusl conceded. While Link and Ashei had a strange relationship that seemed to bounce between an odd friendship and sibling rivalry, what was between the hero and the queen was something far more complicated and electric. And it frequently left him lying awake at night worrying about the young man he saw as a nephew. "Whatever it is, I just hope it doesn't blow up in their faces."

Renado's eyes gleamed. "If it does, we will simply blame it on Barnes. Things explode in his face with alarming regularity."

* * *

"So you and Zelda ran into each other outside of the Resistance suites last night?" Ashei asked as they departed the new Goron blacksmith shop at the end of the Kakariko canyon. She looked a bit troubled by that.

"Yeah." Link yawned and finished adjusting the attachment on her new scabbard. She actually had practically robbed him, but the sword was a beautiful piece of Goron craftsmanship and well worth emptying his wallet in a loan. "We were both awake and restless and you're good a putting us to sleep." She smirked. "I carried her back to her room and told her to go to bed."

Ashei's black brows shot up. "You _carried_ her back to her room?" She broke out laughing. "Wow. What, um... what did the guards have to say about that?"

Link started walking back toward the inn, shrugging. "They're used to it. One time I fell asleep waiting for her on her rug and she didn't notice me until she was coming out of the bath with wet hair and little more than a robe on. She screeched loud enough to wake the dead. And then she chased me around the royal quarters shooting magical bolts at me."

Ashei shook her head. How the two of them could remain so oblivious to each other when they had a relationship that covered the gamut from silly fun to longing gazes was beyond her. "Wait a minute. You were asleep on her rug... and she didn't notice you?"

Link shrugged again. "I was in wolf form. It was cold that day."

She started cackling at the image. "So you had the queen running after a giant wolf in a robe trying to zap it? Oh, goddesses." She wiped at her eyes.

"Yeah, but she was laughing as she did it. That was a fun day." Link smiled at the memory. "She had been stressed while we were waiting for the crop figures to come in for the final harvest before the winter. That helped break the tension, along with a round of sparring and the shoulder rub she guilt tripped me into giving her after she overdid it."

Oh, yeah. Definitely oblivious. The queen wouldn't let anyone else touch her with such familiarity. "You spoil that woman," Ashei said with a smile, suddenly hopeful about the outcome of her devious little plan. "I'll make sure she doesn't forget it."

"She never does." Link's face fell into a frown. "Things have been a little strained between us since last night and she was acting oddly."

Small wonder. Ashei hid a grimace. "I'm sure it's just stress. You know how the councilors always get about trying to find her a suitor whenever there are balls on the horizon."

"True." His frown deepened. She doubted he even noticed that he hated hearing talk of suitors. "Well, I should test her tomorrow, see if you actually managed to teach her anything in my absence."

"Funny," Ashei said dryly as they ascended the ramp to the inn entrance. "But no. Leave her be tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Because you might pull a muscle or something," Ashei responded, smirking. "Imagine how disappointing that would be."

Link stopped by the door and rolled his eyes. "Very well, spoilsport."

Ashei looked around and grabbed his baldric when he moved to open the door. "All right, listen. Ten after ten, remember? Not ten, not a minute before ten, not nine minutes after ten. Ten after. Got it?"

"I don't want to peek, Ashei," he responded, folding his arms. Actually, he did. But he didn't. Much as he wasn't sure whether he should be calling off the whole thing or throwing himself into it wholeheartedly. "I've become really very fond of your idea." Well, that was true. He just didn't mention the apprehension he had in equal measure. "Just... please make sure Shad or... someone else doesn't show up and barge in."

She rolled her eyes. "Have a little faith. You know I-"

The blaring sound of a horn echoed through the canyon loud enough to leave her wincing. Baffled, she looked at Link for an answer but he was sighing, his eyes cast skyward.

"Oh, not again."

"Not what?" Feeling an odd rumble beneath her feet, Ashei frowned and looked around. When she looked back toward the spring her eyes flew wide open and she drew her sword. Link, oddly, just stood there rubbing his temples. "It's that big green bastard!"

"I can see that," Link replied wearily, watching the immense King Bulblin approach on his snorting mount, Lord Bullbo, sending citizens scattering and shrieking.

"Don't just stand there!" she yelled at him. "Draw your sword!" What was his problem?

Link shook his head and vaulted the railing, dropping to the ground. "I don't want to scare him. Not yet, at least."

Her jaw dropped. "Scare _him?_" Ashei could only stare in confusion as Link folded his arms and moved to stand in the middle of the road right in the path of the charging bullbo. What was going through that thick head of his? Surely he had some sort of plan that involved dodging and yanking the king off his mount with a clawshot... right?

She was about to yell at him to dodge when the boar skidded to a stop in a huge plume of dust, rearing up with a squealing roar. When it landed its snout was only a few inches from Link's chest. The beady red eyes of the king and his mount were staring at the hero, who was... calmly gazing back.

"I still have two more inches here," Link said, quirking a brow. "Would you care to try again?"

To Ashei's shock, the huge green bulblin... grinned. And then it sprang off its mount with surprising grace, landing with a thud hard enough to rattle the inn doors where Rusl and Renado were staring out, gaping.

"Another time," King Bulblin said in a booming wet voice that sounded as if he had half a gallon of phlegm in his throat and sinuses. Wait, he could _speak?_

Link smirked. "You do realize you terrified half the town with that entrance, don't you?"

The king shrugged his sickly green shoulders. "They are weak. They _should_ fear me."

"Fear your breath, maybe," Link said, wrinkling his nose and waving a hand in front of his face. "Did I not I tell you to chew on a mint leaf before you approached one of my people if you wanted to keep your horns?"

Ashei gaped at his boldness, watching and waiting for the king to... flinch? "I... forgot. Forgive me." Digging into his belt he pulled out a limp green wad, popping it into his hideous maw and chewing for a few moments. She knew the bulblin king had ceased his attacks on Hyrule after being soundly defeated by Link on more than one occasion, but...

"Did Link really just make him...?" The pale Rusl couldn't finish the sentence.

"Uh huh," Ashei muttered, dumbstruck at the sight of the ugly creature chewing noisily on leaves.

"Better." Link arched a brow, regarding his former enemy with an imperious expression that surprised her. "Now, why are you passing through my town without my permission?"

The king's beady little red eyes brightened and he grinned wide. "Your queen offered us fresh lumber to kill the beasts multiplying in this province. My soldiers wait for me by the bridge but I smelled your horse."

Link's brow inched higher. "So this is... a social call?"

Bulblin shrugged. "I heard you were on a... diplomatic mission." He spat the words distastefully. "I had to see if you had grown fat and weak since last we met but it seems you have grown taller."

"I have, and if you are here to test my strength I hope your men brought a few dozen jars of chu jelly to patch the holes you will have when I have finished with you." Her friend's sharp blue eyes flashed and Ashei couldn't help but grin. It was a shame Zelda wasn't there to witness the hero behaving as the alpha male. That always got her attention no matter how she tried to deny it.

The king stared at him a few moments in silence, his red eyes flaring. Ashei noticed Rusl's hand inching toward his sword and took a tighter grip on her own. The tension suddenly broke with a booming belly laugh from the huge green bulblin that left her cringing.

"Ha ha! Well spoken. It seems you have not withered away as I feared... and hoped."

Link smiled wryly. "No, I am afraid you will be disappointed and in my service for many years to come."

"Hmph. You speak as your queen does. She implied it would be very foolish to refuse her offer. A strong woman." Bulblin folded his meaty arms across his chest. "A worthy adversary. How could I not wonder if you had grown weak?"

Link's calm expression faded, replaced by puzzlement. "What? What does the queen have to do with anything?"

Bulblin made a wet scoffing sound in his throat. "You bested me. You bested my master and his master. All your opponents fell before your power but you continue to serve. Why have you not taken the queen as your mate and claimed the throne?"

Kakariko fell into utter silence. And Link's mouth fell open, along with that of everyone who was watching. Witnessing her friend's cheeks color and his mouth open and shut like a fish out of water, Ashei had to fight valiantly to suppress a snicker. It seemed even the green monster was on her side... in his own strange way.

"What are you talking about?" Link finally managed to blurt out. "I'm not a damn bulblin. We don't do things like... and I don't even... besides, she..." His jaw clamped shut, the muscles at his neck standing out. "I'm not talking about this." Glowering at the much larger figure with his wolf's eyes, Link took a step to the side and pointed at the canyon. "Go get to work or I'll leave you in pieces for your men to feed to their bullbos!" Ashei shivered. Zelda didn't know what she was missing. Except for the whole stammering bit.

The king growled but mounted his boar, shaking his head. "Hylians. I cannot believe I was bested by such a foolish boy."

Link shot him a murderous glare and backhanded Lord Bullbo's flank with a flash of golden light. The war pig squealed and reared, nearly throwing its rider before charging off, leaving the king clutching desperately at the reins. When it was out of sight Link slowly turned, taking in the sight of all the villagers who had stepped outside to watch and who were now staring at him with wide eyes.

"Oh, goddesses," Link muttered. "I'm never going to hear the end of this."

"Nope," Ashei replied, grinning wide. "Don't worry, I won't tell Zelda." Her friend exhaled a relieved breath and gave her a weak smile.

"Thanks." He turned toward the spring where Epona waited and began walking.

She stuck the knife in. "Someone else will beat me to it, I'm sure."

His step faltered but Link squared his shoulders and kept walking, summoning his pride.

When he was out of earshot Ashei erupted in laughter, mystifying poor Rusl and spurring the tipsy shaman to break into a fit of silly chortles as well. It was really a shame she couldn't tell them why she found it so utterly hilarious, but she would be sure to inform Telma. Along with a little tidbit regarding the barrel under the bar labeled 'Renado' that worked like a charm.

* * *

Zelda awoke with a soft, lengthy moan, lifting her arms and stretching out in her bed. She could tell it was nice and dark in her bedroom with barely a crack of her eyelid, and slightly chilly that she could better enjoy the warm blankets. Perfect. Sighing contentedly, she pulled the covers tighter over herself to enjoy the bliss of being half awake and half asleep, where consciously formed thoughts became something akin to dreams in which her large bed wasn't nearly so empty.

_A warm hand slid slowly around her waist, running onto her flat belly and rising higher. She licked her lips, urging it onward with a soft encouraging moan. Her breath caught in anticipation until it cupped the round shape of her breast and rubbed a hardening nipple with a thumb. She whimpered with delight, a shiver running down her spine beneath the soft sheets. Arching back against the warm male form behind her, she gasped when his hand moved down to grip her thigh and lift it back over his own. Their bodies came into closer contact, heated flesh-_

"Zelda!"

The queen gasped and bolted upright, raising a glowing fist against the intruder who dared shout at her in her own bedroom. But the golden light illuminated only Ashei kneeling in front of her bed, not Zant or Ganondorf or some other monster intent on eating her alive. Swallowing heavily and panting, she lowered her hand. "Ashei. Wh-what are you doing here?"

"Waking you from either a nightmare or the hottest dream on record," Ashei said wryly. Zelda glanced down at the purple silk nightgown that was clinging damply to her flushed chest, blushing but making no effort to cover up. She would be damned if she would behave like an embarrassed school girl around the tough warrior woman. "So?" Ashei asked, grabbing a glass of water from a tray on her nightstand and passing it over. "Details?" She waggled her brows.

Zelda rolled her eyes. Her friend was incorrigible. Draining the glass in a long pull, she licked her lips. "I am afraid I cannot recall." Actually, she could recall quite a bit, including the piercing blue eyes and brown hair of the man in her bed, details she tried hard to put out of her mind. The glare she received thankfully brightened her spirits and left a grin on her lips. Having one up on Ashei was a rare treat. "Wait, I remember now. Every detail." Brown eyes lit up. "...But I am not sharing. Now answer my question. What are you doing here?"

Ashei sighed and stood. "I'm attending you today. I gave your maids the day off with some excuse that I have a personal problem and need to talk to you about it in private." She pointed a finger at her queen. "So just remember, you owe me not only for arranging tonight but having to deal with all this wardrobe mess."

Smirking, Zelda slid out of bed and padded toward the washroom. "So I will not need to explain my non-standard hair, scent, clothing or jewelry? All of which could have waited until the maids had already retired for the evening?"

"Whoops. Now hurry up so we can go stretch."

Zelda sighed and closed the door. Stretching in the afternoon before a spar was normal. In the morning it was sacrilege. But given the stakes...

* * *

Despite the title, everyone expected the Hero of Twilight to love sunshine and abhor the dark, just like every other cliched hero in the stories. And while twilight and dawn were both wondrous, the glaring light of day meant he was visible to enemies. And fans. Like those three evil girls outside the STAR game. No, daytime in Hyrule was something better avoided. It was a different story in Ordon or Lake Hylia or an number of other quiet, beautiful places. But he was in Castle Town. In the castle. And sunlight was peeking through a narrow gap in the thick curtains over the window.

Link sighed and sat up. Once he saw daylight it was all over. There was no escaping it or pretending he had seen nothing. Now all that was left to do was endure it and count down the hours until nightfall. After a minute spent rubbing his eyes and staring blankly at the floor he suddenly remembered what day it was, perking and feeling his heart anxiously pound in equal measure. Rising, he headed for the closet. The day never felt truly started without expending some energy with a blade in hand, though he wouldn't push himself too hard.

Then he recalled the events of the previous evening. Groaning, he buried his head in his hands. Suddenly he doubted whether he would even survive to nightfall, and the dreams he'd had of ivory skin and sparkling blue eyes turned into images of an angry flush and an icy glare.

* * *

Ashei kept a gentle pressure on the back of Zelda's shoulders while the queen leaned forward and uttered a quiet growling sound. Her legs were stretched out in front of her in snug trousers, scandalous by the standards royalty were held to, but Ashei had grown up free of societal restrictions and judgments and didn't much give a damn about how they applied to Zelda. At least, not when she was training her friend's body and combat skills. Too many of the queen's line had died from weak constitutions, whether in childbirth or illness, and a few more to assassination. She had no intentions of letting her monarch fall early if it could be prevented by a little physical conditioning. Catching a flicker of movement she glanced up, and a tiny smile curled one side of her mouth. Besides, Link never knew what to do with himself when he caught sight of Zelda flushed and damp with perspiration, stretched out before him.

"I hate you, Ashei," Zelda muttered.

"You shouldn't." Her student's back was deeply arched, that delicate regal nose almost pressed to her knees. "You've never been in better shape and your knowledge of swordsmanship was pathetic compared to what Link and I taught you." She glanced up at the man who was gazing rather intently at Zelda. And her snug, sleeveless tunic, no doubt. Though judging by the paleness of his face, perhaps he was wondering whether he was about to be eviscerated by an angry queen. "Right, Link?"

Zelda tensed at the sound of his name. Link cleared his throat, turning away from the queen and pulling his sword from its scabbard. "Right," he said stiffly, "Rusl would be hard pressed to defeat her now, I'm sure. Good morning, my lady." He began his daily routine, swinging his sword in fluid circles to loosen up. Ashei felt leaner muscles stiffen harder beneath her hands and grinned. The queen no doubt appreciated the sight of her hero similarly attired, arms bared and tanned, muscles rippling with his movements. "What are you two doing here so early? I usually have this courtyard to myself."

"Ashei has a prior engagement at our usual time," Zelda answered quickly and smoothly. She really was a good liar but she needed to work on the blushing. Ashei let her sit up and moved her into position to arch her body upward, noting the queen's pale blue eyes flash over to where Link was performing his own upper body stretches. It was so obvious she could laugh.

"Yes, she has seemed preoccupied lately," Link responded. He pulled his arms behind himself, giving a good view of his rippling chest under the snug tan tunic while he smirked at the warrior woman. "Between your friends and your duties now you know how it feels to be one of us. Never a moment's rest."

Ashei smirked and pushed a little harder up on Zelda's arched back to deepen her stretch despite the quiet groan of protest. "Except I don't get the adulation of the public for being the queen or the hero," she countered, restraining a laugh when she saw Link's eyes flash to Zelda's own pronounced chest. "Or free drinks from Telma... at either of her establishments." She couldn't resist the jab, grinning when he flinched.

Link smirked and sat to perform his own leg stretches, apparently summoning his courage. "Telma doesn't give you free drinks because of that botched matchmaking attempt you tried to pull." Ashei mentally sighed. While her attempt to get the moping bartender and the stoic shaman together hadn't been successful, it had at least led to a rather frank conversation between the two people who became good friends after a month or so of acrimony. Besides, she had helped Telma formulate a new and improved plan. "Whereas Zelda receives free drinks not because she's the queen, but because she's a kind and beautiful woman." Ashei arched a brow. His tone sounded apologetic. And Zelda's twitch suggested she was surprised and flattered.

"Thank you, Link," Zelda said softly, sitting up under the guidance of Ashei's friends and smiling at her friend. "I would say you receive free drinks because you're Hyrule's bravest and most handsome hero but I fear what sort of ego trip that would lead you on." Her eyes twinkled merrily and Ashei couldn't help but grin. The two of them had banter perfected to an art form, whether teasing or flirtatious, unlike the snarky back-and-forth she and Link practiced.

"As if my ego needed any nourishing," Link said dryly, swinging his heavy practice sword at a straw dummy. "Did you really have to commission a painting of me facing Ganondorf beside the one of the Hero of Time?"

"Yes," Zelda sang merrily, to Link's obvious annoyance. "And I'm sure our ancestor would be pleased to have you immortalized beside him."

Learning that Link and Zelda shared a common ancestor in the Hero of Time had been a little odd for all of them until they realized their bloodlines had been separated by a thousand years, forty generations, and a lot of Terminian blood. The history was spotty but it hinted that the hero had a wife and a child before he had married the princess of Hyrule, a wife who had died in an act of vengeance from a nearly extinct Terminian race he had once angered. That firstborn son had left Hyrule as an adult for his mother's homeland after a falling out with his father, leaving behind a half-sister and royal heritage.

Ashei guided Zelda into a position on the grass with her legs spread wide, pleased to see she could nearly let her entire weight down. She had become quite flexible, a fact that Zelda tried unsuccessfully to hide her pride in... and Link his interest, as he glanced over and swallowed before replying. She smiled tightly to herself, wondering if the two of them would make good use of Zelda's flexibility later.

"He actually feels unworthy of it all," Link said softly. "He blamed himself for what happened to his family, and for exiling the Sheikah for what he saw as a failure to protect his queen."

Zelda's eyes opened wide. "How do you know that? Have you spoken to him again?"

He shook his head. "No, I discovered one of his journals when I was in Labrynna. It's a long story and I'm still translating it. He wrote it in an old Terminian dialect."

"Fascinating," Zelda murmured, grunting when Ashei pushed her down a little farther and giving her a glare over a shoulder. "Do you know if he is at peace now?"

The hero smiled sadly, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. "In a way. He told me months ago it was time for him to move on from our realm but he had to wait before crossing into the Sacred Realm. I'm not sure what he meant and he wouldn't tell me, but he seemed content with that."

"Hmm." Zelda nodded slowly. "His life seems like such a sad series of events. I hope he finds peace." She gave the hero a little smirk. "And don't you dare follow in his footsteps of tragedy and heartbreak. I will have you flogged if you go to your grave as an old man with that many regrets."

Link smiled. "Just so long as you're still alive to have me flogged, I can live with that."

The gaze that passed between them was long and warm, ending abruptly when one of Zelda's handmaidens entered the courtyard in a flurry of swishing skirts. Elura was familiar with her queen's companions and unusual recreational activities, so Ashei was puzzled by the way she flushed upon catching sight of Link. "G-good morning, my lady," she greeted the queen, curtsying.

"Good morning Elura," Zelda replied, adopting her smooth regal voice as she curled her legs under her and folded her hands on her lap. "You are up early. Is something the matter?" The handmaiden's eyes twitched over to Link, who was standing quietly. Stiffly, actually. Ashei suppressed a grin. She had a good idea what this was about.

"I... am not certain. Lord Gallo asked to brief you regarding the, ah, bulblin matter."

"Oh, goddesses," Link muttered, drawing the gazes of all three women. Ashei hid her smirk behind her palm. As if mentioning the bulblins wasn't bad enough. Link hated Gallo, ostensibly for his pacifistic naivete and love for frilly clothing, but she knew it had more to do with the young noble's frequent – and practiced – flattery of the queen.

"Are you aware of what Elura is referring to, Master Link?" Zelda asked. Ashei had to admit, even damp with perspiration and dressed in trousers her friend was the very picture of elegance and royalty.

Gritting his teeth, Link nodded. "Yes, I am. So is Ashei. We can tell you about it. There's no need to bother with that ma... ah, the briefing."

Zelda's lips almost twitched into a smile. Though she would deny it if asked, Ashei was well aware her queen enjoyed Link's distaste for the flirt. "Please inform Lord Gallo I will meet with him in one hour." His face tightened into a scowl.

Elura curtsied. "Yes, my lady." She turned and departed quickly but not after one more quick glance at Link. Zelda's eyes narrowed, lingering on her handmaiden's back before they flicked over to her friend.

"Is there some personal matter between you and my handmaiden I should be aware of, Link?" Zelda asked coolly.

The hero's brow furrowed. "What? No! Why would you... oh." His voice fell to a mutter. "No, that's not it." Sighing, he sheathed his sword and dropped to a seat on the grass. "I guess I had better tell it before Ashei turns it into some sort of ridiculous fairy tale."

She snickered but simply took a seat between the two of them, leaning back on her hands to enjoy the spectacle. "No, I think you should definitely be the one to tell Her Majesty about this."

"One of you certainly will, preferably before I lose my patience." Zelda pulled her long brown hair over her shoulder and began working it free of its braid, arching a brow in Link's direction. "Well?"

Sighing, he ran his hands back through his damp brown hair. "How do I get myself into these situations?"

"Link," Zelda warned.

"King Bulblin came riding through Kakariko yesterday evening," he said, staring down at the grass. "He told me about your little lumber for slaughter deal."

"Lumber for slaughter?" she echoed dryly. "Oh, how clever."

Link shifted uncomfortably, crossing his arms. "He said he wanted to see whether I had grown weak after hearing about my diplomatic trip to Labrynna."

Zelda's blue eyes sparkled. "A wise bulblin, that one." Ashei snickered.

He cast the queen an annoyed look. "Do you want to mock me or hear the story?"

"I wish to mock you," Zelda replied sweetly. "But I do have a meeting to attend, so please continue."

Rubbing the back of his neck, Link looked once more at the grass. "He was impressed that you threatened him."

"Implicitly threatened." Zelda's sudden burst of sass left Ashei grinning.

"Implicitly threatened, then," Link muttered. "Then he, uh... well, he..."

"Come on, spit it out, you cucco," Ashei said brightly. The hero shot her a glare that could have melted Snowpeak. Meanwhile Zelda looked on with curled pink lips, amused. Well, that wouldn't last.

Link sighed. "Well, you have to understand the bulblins. They're warriors. The strongest earn their positions by displays of strength or domination, by winning battles, conquering-"

"Yes, Link, I am familiar with them," Zelda interrupted, still smiling. "You did write the reports yourself. Fluently, to my shock."

"Right," he muttered, either ignoring or missing the barb and cracking his knuckles. "Well, you see, he was fine with losing to me because I was stronger, and we even became friends – of a sort – but he's become annoyed because by their standards I should have, um..."

The temptation to blurt out the rest of the thought was strong enough to leave her lips twitching, but Ashei forced herself to remain silent and enjoy the sight of Ganondorf's slayer stammering like a school boy.

"Should have... ?" Zelda's brows arched expectantly.

His jaw twitched. Ashei braced herself for another round of hesitation. Instead, it all poured out in a rush of words. "By bulblin standards I should have basically thrown you over my shoulder and hauled you back to my cave as my mate, then taken your throne."

Watching the blood drain from Zelda's face, Ashei had to slam her palm over her mouth to fight an attack of the giggles. The queen was pale and stricken, the hero was red and squirming, and the day had barely started. What a morning.

After a minute or so, Zelda cleared her throat, struggling to maintain her composure. "I see. Ah... yes, I can see how – by their standards, of course – he would be annoyed with you. But... why does Lord Gallo feel the need to brief me about this?"

Link glanced her direction but immediately stared back down at the grass. "Ah... most likely because half of Kakariko was watching... and listening."

Ashei hadn't thought it possible, but Zelda paled even further. "Oh, merciful Nayru," she breathed, dropping her face into her palm.

"Yeah." After a moment's awkward silence Link jumped to his feet. "I need to, uh..."

"Yes, of course," Zelda said hurriedly. "And I must go, ah..."

"Bathe," Ashei said helpfully as Link departed faster than the postman running behind schedule. "Want me to go give Lord Frilly – er, Gallo, that you've already been briefed on this and you send your regrets blah blah?"

"Please," Zelda whispered fiercely.

She hopped to her feet and brushed off her backside. "I'll be up getting a bath running." The queen nodded silently. Ashei set off, allowing herself a grin once she was turned away. She had resolved that, one way or another, the two stubborn people would figure it out, even if it required the help of the rest of the Resistance and the pair's patron goddesses themselves. She had never even considered the bulblins. Perhaps she was overlooking other sources of help... or at the very least, amusement. Before she stepped into the castle she heard Zelda muttering vehemently to herself.

"Wise indeed. Nayru save me from stupid bulblins and the fool Hylians who call them their friends."

Ashei finally allowed herself to snicker.

* * *

Zelda took a deep breath as she gazed upon herself in the mirror. The deep purple silk hugged her body down to her hips, the strapless construction baring her shoulders and arms down to where her gloves ended a few inches below the elbow. Laces kept the corset snug, exposing a wide strip of skin up her back where the laces crossed and tied in a bow between her shoulder blades. It was elegant but sensuous, even seductive, and certainly not regal.

It had been a blessing that her schedule was light and without a session with the council, for her concentration was badly damaged after the events of the morning. Shad and Auru had both noticed her unease but had been courteous enough to only politely inquire about her well-being. She had been sorely tempted to tell them that no, she was not all right, that she was strongly considering incinerating their friend the hero for convincing her to let him establish relations with the bulblins. And while the thought of being carried off had a certain appeal for a few moments, dismay and anger had been quick to replace fantasy. It had been bad enough at the beginning of her reign when the populace respected the hero more than the princess who had surrendered the kingdom, but to have a bulblin of all people suggest in public that he should take her throne?

Zelda reached behind her back with rising frustration, tugging the bow of her laces loose and pulling them tighter.

"I think it's tight enough already," Ashei observed. The annoyed queen met her eyes in the mirror, expecting to find amusement on her friend's face but finding only calm. "Are you still bothered by what happened in Kakariko?" She took over from Zelda, loosening the laces and ending the protest from her ribs.

"Of course I am," Zelda replied, frowning. "It took me months to earn the trust of the people and to lose the scorn of everyone from the army to the council. To be undermined in public by a green pig and Link of all people?"

"Oh, come off it," Ashei said as she retied the laces. "Link threatened to cut him into pieces. Don't take out your irritation on him."

Zelda shook her head. "He faced down Ganondorf without flinching and negotiated a trade agreement with a foreign chancellor. Surely he could have done more than stammer like a fool."

"Such as?"

"Such as saying a few words expressing his confidence in his queen?" Zelda said in exasperation. "Surely that would not have been too much for him."

"Uh huh," Ashei said, eying her skeptically in the mirror with folded arms. "Pretend you're a former goat herder, a commoner from a remote province, and some immense pig you fought as a novice warrior that now listens to you when you tell him to freshen his breath tells you to take the beautiful, untouchable queen you admire to your bed and start ruling a kingdom. Are you telling me you're not going to be stunned?"

Zelda glared but couldn't summon the will to stay angry. Sighing, she shook her head. "I do so hate it when you make the rare valid point."

"I know." Ashei grinned at her. "But you already knew that. So what's really bothering you?"

Nibbling her lip, the queen turned and walked slowly out of the washroom and into the dimly lit bedroom to stare out the window at the stars. "I don't know. I'm just tired of always being on edge." Indulging herself for once, she let the words spill out. "I was tutored from childhood on how to rule a kingdom but I always knew the expectation was that I would not rule alone. It bothers me that it is more difficult than I imagined it would be. And I resent the endless suggestions that someone else is needed to help or to take over for the poor, weak little girl."

When Ashei laughed Zelda turned her gaze on her in surprise, seeing the grin returned to her face. "I thought you stopped putting any stock in what the addled old traditionalist fools in the court have to say. Auru has forty years of experience on you and he could rule the kingdom but I guarantee you he'd be as stressed and exhausted as you are." The vote of confidence put a small smile on the queen's lips. "But seriously, everyone who knows you – _you_, Zelda, not just the queen – has faith in you. You're just stressed and you need a break."

Glancing over at the bed in the corner of the room she chuckled softly. "So we're back to this, I see."

"Yep," Ashei replied cheerfully. "But seriously, we've been over this."

"I know, I know." Zelda smiled wryly. "I am not required to 'pounce him like a wolfos on a cucco', as you so eloquently put it."

Ashei grinned wide. "Well, it helps for the stress release part, but yeah, that."

She couldn't help but laugh, shaking her head. Her friend really was too much. Looking back at the bed, then at the wine glasses by the window, she nibbled thoughtfully on her lip. Her morning schedule had been cleared, it was a beautiful and cool spring night, she had a couple of enchantments to disguise their voices and leave them in shadow, and it wasn't exactly possible for an ordinary man to keep the bearer of a piece of the Triforce locked up in a room if she decided to leave. Besides, the idea was no less intriguing than it had been when Ashei described the man she had in mind. And it wasn't as if anyone else was planning on carrying her off to his lair... metaphorically speaking. At the very least, perhaps they would end up speaking over a game of chess. Or perhaps share a kiss or two. Or...

"Oh, why not?" Zelda murmured, suddenly feeling impulsive and alive.

"Okay, out I go before you change your mind," Ashei teased. "You're cutting it close as it is. Five minutes."

When she heard the door shut behind her, Zelda became aware of the heavy beating of her heart in her chest. Taking a breath, she set about casting the enchantments.

* * *

Link stepped into the main living room of the suite and closed the door behind him quietly after one last check of the hallway. He had taken a secret passage into the guest wing but was taking no chances, especially not when Shad had a habit of appearing out of nowhere.

Ashei's voice startled him. "Not bad. You're _almost_ worthy of the lady waiting for you."

He turned with a quiet laugh, a nervous sound even to his own ears. The midnight blue tunic and black trousers he wore were one of his finer outfits even if his companion for the evening wouldn't really be seeing them. Still, his boots and belt were polished to a gleam. He had some nervous energy to burn off after his only meeting of the day with Auru regarding the Labrynnan trade agreement. "Well, like I told the men in the frilly outfits at the protocol ministry, I don't wear ruffles so stop trying."

Ashei laughed, rising from her chair by the fireplace and looking him over with a satisfied nod. "I know, and it's a good thing. You look decent in fine clothing but the fluffy stuff would look ridiculous on Hyrule's hero." She turned toward the closed door. "She's inside and she's nervous, so don't go stumbling over your own feet. You know, try that whole gentle, heroic confident thing you have going, yeah?"

Despite her irreverent nature, Ashei knew when to use her own particular brand of humor to ease the tension. He smiled gratefully. "I'll try. I mean, I won't ask the Triforce to give me a hand but I'm sure I can manage."

Ashei grinned, but it faded quickly and she gave him a serious gaze. "I haven't seen you all day. You okay?"

He grimaced at the reminder. Though Bulblin's words wouldn't really do more than cause some amused gossip, the tension he'd felt when passing Zelda in the hall had bothered him deeply and it seemed a week couldn't go by without something causing tension between them. "Fine, I suppose. I was just hoping for a quiet week after a month of headaches."

Brown eyes twinkled. "You give me headaches every day but I'm still here. Get used to it."

Link smirked. "So why haven't you taken your own medicine?"

Ashei grinned. "Who says I'll be sitting here all night reading a book?"

He couldn't resist. "Oh, you're spending the night across the hall with Shad?" His reflexes saved him once more from bruises on his forehead. They shared a challenging smirk but it was his eyes that drifted away first. "I suppose I feel a bit torn."

"Why?"

Shrugging, he rubbed at his freshly shaven jaw. "I don't know."

"Liar." Looking up, he saw her giving him a wry smile. "I think I only need one guess and it spends a lot of time sitting on a throne."

The twitch of his ears betrayed him. "I should have known better than to spill my guts to you."

"Eh." Ashei shrugged. "You've theoretically spilled my guts enough times in practice." Her brown eyes narrowed and regarded him intently. "So, what His Horrid Breathness said. Do you intend on carrying a queen off to your lair?"

"I don't have a lair." The attempted humor felt weak even to him. Link shrugged and shook his head. "But no. Even if she wasn't a queen we seem to end up having days like today at least once a week. And like Bo said when I moved to the castle, there's a reason wolfos and cuccos don't live together." He wasn't certain he entirely believed it, but the man was much older and wiser than he. When in doubt, trust someone you respect. Perhaps that meant he should have spoken to Rusl, but he could never manage to bring it up.

Ashei's lips twitched into an odd grin. "He really said that?"

"I think he had his heart broken by a countess or something when he was younger." Link smiled. "Or maybe he was trying to encourage me to stay in Ordon and marry Ilia and take over as mayor. He's a strange man."

"Definitely." Ashei laughed. "No offense to Ordon or Ilia, but you're not the small town type anymore. You need a little bit of everything." A grin slowly curled her lips. "Which brings me to that door over there."

"Now why didn't I see that coming?" he joked, glancing over at it while contemplating it one last time. "You really think this is a good idea?"

Ashei rolled her eyes. "I thought we'd been over this. And like I've already told both of you, if you want to spend a couple of hours stargazing over a glass of wine talking about wolves and cuccos and goats and eagles or whatever, go right ahead. It'd be a tragic waste of a gorgeous dress and a big soft bed, but hey, whatever does it for you small town types. Just make up your mind so I can take a nap."

Laughing, Link shook his head. She had a point. "All right, all right. Tell Shad I said hello." Dodging the punch aimed at his shoulder, he walked over to the door. Wrapping his fingers around the handle, he took a breath and opened it.

* * *

"What _is_ that?" Farore sniffed at the air from her place sitting by the pond, her tongue flicking out over her lips.

"Some concoction an alchemist in Termina came up with," Din replied, approaching with a large bowl filled with some odd fluffy cream-colored shapes. "He accidentally dropped corn kernels in oil and created a snack worthy of the Sacred Realm." Popping one into her mouth she crunched down with a blissful sigh. "It is to die for." The goddess grinned. "And actually... he did. He really should have known better than to mix up butter and yellow chu jelly."

The Hero's Shade sighed and gazed down at his skeletal form. Though eating was a pointless – and messy – exercise, the goddesses had seen fit to leave him with a sense of smell, damn them. He needed to be away from the bowl before he ended up begging them to give him his body back. And in truth, he expected they were having a little fun at his expense by tempting him so, the demons. "If the three of you insist on watching this whole sordid affair, you enjoy yourselves. I will be in the Lost Woods behaving myself with more decorum."

Nayru took an experimental bite of the snack, moaning joyously. She waved a dismissive hand over her shoulder. "Fine, fine. Have fun."

Shaking his head, the Shade walked off, dropping his face once more into his palm.

"It is truly a sad day when the only sanity in the domain of the goddesses is found in a skeleton who passed up paradise with his family in order to guide his descendant... only to be subjected to _this._"

Behind him the goddesses snickered and bit down with a trio of crunches.


End file.
